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Late-night's best: Will Obama pardon Rangel or the turkey? Levi Johnston bans interviews. Plus Oprah

November 22, 2010 |  7:24 am

Prince William and Kate Middleton of Britain

As The Ticket's 54,600 Twitter followers here and 6,300+ Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Here's our regular Monday morning collection No. 5:

Fallon: What is going on these days? George W. Bush writes a 500-page memoir and Obama publishes a kids coloring book.

Leno: Facebook launches the next-generation messaging system -- a combination of IM, text and e-mail designed to ensure that nothing gets done at any workplace ever again.

Leno: Tough decision for President Obama this week: Pardon the turkey or Democratic Rep. Charlie Rangel.

Leno: House Democrats just elected Nancy Pelosi as their minority leader for the new Congress. Why mess with success, right?

Conan: Congressional Democrats push for $12 billion in additional....

...unemployment benefits. They say they can’t turn their backs on those who until two weeks ago were House Democrats.

Fallon: New plan out to cover $6 trillion of the nation's debt. First, look at all the spending for the past five years. Then, ask China for $6 trillion more.

Conan: Donald Trump wants to know if people think he should run for president. So his folks launched a website called Americans have responded with their own website,

Conan: Oprah Winfrey is reportedly considering buying a property in New Jersey. The property is called, “New Jersey.”

Letterman: Another British royal wedding. Prince William and Kate. They made the announcement on a one-hour ESPN special. No date set yet for the divorce.

SNL: The first ever Starbucks at sea opened this week on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship. And somehow there's already a homeless guy in the bathroom.

Conan: Levi Johnston says he’s not going to do any more interviews. Says he’s already used all the words he knows.

Fallon: Experts announce a new plan to slash the deficit by $6 trillion. All we have to do is switch from regular light bulbs to not having a federal government.

Leno: Happy Birthday to Joe Biden. President Obama got him a gag gift. No, not a funny gift. A real gag.

Fallon: President Obama over in Portugal the other day pointed out to his hosts that his dog, Bo, is a Portuguese Water Dog. Yeah, that’s a good way to make friends: ‘Hey, you know who’s just like you people? My DOG.’

Letterman: New study oDemocrat president Barack Obama enjoys a large laugh before the recent midterm elections 10-31-10n marriage finds diminishing interest in marriage, mostly among married people.

Letterman: Tiger Woods on Twitter now, says he wants to reconnect with his fans. So, he’ll be up in Room 436.

Fallon: GM wants to thank all who made its recovery possible: Toyota's brakes, Toyota's steering and Toyota's accelerators.

Fallon: AAA says 42 million Americans will travel over the Thanksgiving holiday. Also, 30 million of them won’t be talking by the time they get there.

Letterman: A new wrinkle this year for Wal-Mart's midnight store openings on Thanksgiving Friday: They've added bulls to the run.

Leno: A rough week for President Obama. He's gotta pardon a turkey, deal with a lame duck Congress, eat crow and China flipped him the bird over currency.

Letterman: So they put up this year's Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. For tourists, it'll be there til early January or until it's stolen.

Letterman: Any out-of-towners here tonight? A new poll says visitors find New Yorkers unfriendly. Yeh, well, bite me!

Letterman: In these times you know you're having a bad day when your body scan at the airport gets the guards laughing.

Leno: Reports of wild turkeys terrorizing Staten Island residents. Experts predict the problem will be solved by Thursday.

Fallon: Senior Olympics in California -- 90% of the athletes tested positive for Ensure. And the Chinese gymnasts who claimed to be 90? Turned out they were only 86.

Conan: A cruise line is now offering a so-called, “Cougar Cruise” for women in their 40s and 50s and much younger men. The cruise will get underway as soon as a man signs up.

Conan: I've always dreamed of being on a late-night show on basic cable ever since I was 46. But we are already tops in a key TBS demographic: People who can't afford HBO.

SNL: A new magazine study lists Charleston, SC, first in friendliness, Portland, OR, as first in intelligence and Philadelphia as "also a city."

Fallon: Tuesday President Obama is going down to Kokomo, Ind. That makes sense: No one knows better how to get there fast and then to take it slow.

Related Items:

Late-night joke collection No. 4: Oprah, Obama, Bush, Pelosi and Biden

Late-night joke collection No. 3: Betty White and Jerry Brown

Late-night joke collection No. 2: Joe Biden, NPR, Osama bin Laden and Charlie

Late-night joke collection: No. 1

-- Andrew Malcolm

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Photos: AFP (Prince William and Kate Middleton); Larry Downing / Reuters (Obama in Cleveland before the midterm elections).