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'Dancing With the Stars' results recap: No laughing matter

May 15, 2012 | 11:08 pm

"Dancing With the Stars"

It was a sad day in the Glitterverse, ballroom fans. One last couple had to be exiled to the outskirts of Fringe City, where lives are drab with nary a sequin or a sparkle, before next week’s “Dancing With the Stars” finale. Who would want to live in this world? Not any of the remaining four contestants, that’s for sure. We all knew this finals cut would be the deepest. All four of the remaining couples were so good that just three measly judges’ points separated first from last place. Plus, they all seem like nice, upstanding Glitterverse citizens. How could one of these stars possibly be let go from the Mirrorball orbit in “our most dramatic semifinal ever?”

“No matter which way this goes,” predicted host Tom Bergeron, “it’s going to suck.”

Alas, the exiting couple this week was TV host Maria Menounos and Derek Hough. “I learned how strong I was; I learned to persevere,” said Maria of her “DWTS” stint.

“She’s not just a champion of dancing, but a champion of life,” said Derek of his partner, whom he credits for reinvigorating his being on the show.

Their final dance was fittingly set to R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).” 

And as much as I enjoyed her time on the show (barring that maniacal laugh, of course), I thought the viewers made the right choice sending the TV host home. While Maria and Derek had the highest scores coming into Tuesday night’s results, her technique and content didn’t seem quite enough to compete with the remaining contestants. Plus, she was hampered by all those injuries! 

"Dancing With the Stars"The low-scoring Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas were deemed safe early on, and the classical singer exhibited absolutely no signs of the backache that plagued her Monday night when she jumped up and down with delight on the stage upon hearing she'd made it to the finals. “I’m no doctor, but her back looks better now!” Tom astutely observed. Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd simmered alongside Maria and Derek in jeopardy.

The encore dance tonight was a booty-shaking delight: William and Cheryl’s jungle-fevered samba. Thank you for that choice, Len. And thank you for William’s booty — it was truly on fi-ya.

The Macy’s Stars of Dance performance was the design-a-dance samba, which was appropriate, since Macy's took this month to celebrate everything Brazil. The viewers chose a samba to Beyoncé’s “End of Time” danced by fave pros Tristan(!) and Chelsie(!). And Chelsie totally channeled her inner diva, starting and ending the routine writhing and doing major hagiography in front of a wind machine that was hot and fierce. She’s a hot tamale, that one. Tristan could have shown some more skin as well.

How nice to see you again, Alanis Morissette! She of the jagged little pill made a visit to the Glitterverse to sing a world premiere of the “Guardian.” Didn’t think the angsty singer-songwriter would find such a comfortable place among all that ballroom sparkle, but I thought she fit in quite well. Isn’t it ironic?  Plus, we were treated to a particularly great performance from pro dancers Blake McGrath and Tyne Stecklein. Hey — you oughta know.

Carrie Underwood returned to promote her “Blown Away” tour and sing “Good Girl.” At first, I thought that big thermometer of a stage would prevent any of our pros from dancing along, but then out popped Tristan and troupe members Henry, Emma, and Sharna. But it was as if Carrie made sure we all knew who the star was in this performance. 

Julianne Hough is back! This time, the erstwhile “DWTS” pro and sister of Derek came to promote her latest movie, “Rock of Ages,” out June 15 (starring Tom Cruise and Catherine Zeta-Jones), and perform a rocking medley alongside costars Derek Boneta and Mary J. Blige, choreographed by dance guru Mia Michaels. Afterward, protective father figure Tom Bergeron asked Julianne if her boyfriend (Ryan Seacrest) was treating her well. “Really well,” she promised. Once part of the “DWTS” family, always part of the “DWTS” family.

Speaking of which, next season will be an all-stars affair, bringing former champions, fan favorites, finalists and controversial former contestants back into the Mirrorball’s orbit.  

What do you think, ballroom fans? Think the right couple went home this week, or are you ready to Hulk Smash the Glitterverse? Who do you hope will win it all? And who do you hope will return as an all-star next season? (Fingers crossed for Edyta!)

— Allyssa Lee


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Top photo: Maria Menounos and Derek Hough. Credit: Adam Taylor / ABC

Bottom photo: Peta Murgatroyd and Donald Driver. Credit: Adam Taylor / ABC