Late-night jokes: Herman Cain's campaign pizza promise
As The Ticket's 66,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,800 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above. Normally, we publish these on Monday mornings.
Fallon: The safest UPS delivery driver has now logged 4 million miles without an accident. He's being awarded UPS' highest honor -- long pants.
"SNL": A new study finds that the average college-age man thinks about sex 18 times a day. Oh, I'm sorry, I left out the word "bazillion" -- 18 bazillion times a day.
Fallon: 85-year-old Hugh Hefner and his 25-year-old fiancée, Crystal Harris, have sent out their wedding invitations for June 18. She told guests to wear white, but bring black just in case.
Leno: A nice warm story out of China. Disney is building a theme park there. Which means someday Chinese children will be able to go to the toy shop and buy toys they made.
Fallon: Herman Cain, former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, says he’s running for president. And this is cool -- if his campaign isn’t over in 30 minutes or less, you get your pizza for free!
Fallon: Subway sandwich shops are testing a new upscale décor -- wood panels and lounge seating to distract you from the tuna fish being served with an ice-cream scoop.
Leno: A new 3-D version of "Titanic" coming out. In this one, the captain doesn’t see the iceberg coming because he's not wearing the special glasses.
Conan: Over 6 million people attended Cuba's International Book Fair a while back. As usual, the most popular book sold was "How to Build a Raft Out of This Book."
Letterman: A new law says no outdoor smoking in New York City now. Bus exhaust's OK. Toxic meth lab fumes OK. Radioactive steam fine. Roasting a goat on the curb OK. But no outdoor cigarette smoking.
Fallon: Donald Trump says he may run for president as an independent, and when Donald Trump says he's gonna do something, Donald Trump ... says he's gonna do something.
Conan: A Chicago lawyer is being accused of hiring a woman with large breasts to sit with him in the courtroom and distract jurors. Asked for a ruling, the judge said, "Sorry, could you repeat that?"
Fallon: Today is National Hug Your Cat Day! Or as cats call it, "Yeah, don’t do that."
The good news in Supreme Court order to release 46,000 felons
Obama's sunken approval ratings are also bad news for Libya's Kadafi
-- Andrew Malcolm
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Photos, from top: Herman Cain (Jonathan Ernst / Reuters); Hefner and Harris (Matt Sayles / Associated Press).