Opinion: Late-night’s best: The good news in the Supreme Court’s order for California to release 46,000 felons
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As The Ticket’s 65,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,800 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above. Normally, we publish these on Monday mornings.
Leno: The G-8 nations met in France, the world’s top economic powers. President Obama arrived and the other seven said, ‘What are you doing here?’
Fallon: President Obama now plans a state visit to Puerto Rico in June. A state visit to Puerto Rico? I’m pretty sure that’s really a vacation to Puerto Rico.
Leno: The bad news: The Supreme Court has ordered California to release 46,000 felons due to prison overcrowding. The good news: Oakland Raider season ticket sales are soaring.
Leno: On his trip to Europe President Obama met with Queen Elizabeth in London and she suggested returning to pre-1776 borders.
Letterman: So you heard about Oprah’s last show? Sad time for the ladies in my book club. But Oprah finally explained why she cancelled the Apocalypse.
Leno: A nice tribute to Chicago by Oprah. She ended her season in May, just like the Cubs.
Fallon: A new study says Oprah fans will feel overwhelming loneliness with the....
...end of her show. But only if she tells them to. Letterman: Did you see Oprah’s last show? Emotional. They asked her what she was going to do now. And she said, ‘I’m going to buy Disney World.’
Conan: Awkward moment during Oprah’s last show.She thanked her fourth-grade teacher in audience for believing in her when no one else did. And the teacher said ‘Sorry—I don’t remember you.’
Leno: That end of the world Harold Camping guy is now predicting that the month of May will end on the 31st.
Conan: Charlie Sheen is selling the house he’s lived in since 1997. Sheen’s realtor says the house is perfect for a young threesome just starting out.
Kimmel: Al Qaeda has released a statement vowing to make America pay for Bin Laden’s death. Which I’m pretty sure we did pay for his death. We paid for the whole thing and even took care of the funeral arrangements. Maybe a thank you would be nice.
Conan: Tough week for that pastor who predicted the Apocalypse. His friends told him, “Hey, c’mon, it’s not the end of the world.’
Conan: Even though Oprah’s show has ended, she’s planning to stay active. Oprah said, “I don’t want to be one of those sad women who just sits at home watching daytime TV.’
Leno: The end of the world guy says May 21 was the wrong date. The new date is Oct 21. What does God work for the cable company now -- We’ll be there between May and October?
Leno: Now did you see Donald Trump says he might reconsider and actually run for president after saying no, he wouldn’t? Trump says Obama is too indecisive.
Fallon: The New York Public Library turned 100 years old this week. And so did anyone who still goes to the New York Public Library.
Conan: A new study reports that women are more attracted to men who are depressed. The study was conducted by the University of—ahh, what’s the point?
Related:
Obama’s sunken approval ratings also bad news for Kadafi
-- Andrew Malcolm
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