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‘Dancing With the Stars’ results recap: Elimination shocker!

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Well, I didn’t see that coming. This evening ushered in the first results show of “Dancing With the Stars’ ” 11th season, and while Tom and Brooke kept dropping hints that this week’s elimination was a surprising one, I wasn’t sure whether to believe them.

But slap me upside the head and call me Shirley, this first-round cut really was a doozy.

Because, while he may have worn a shirt that said he wasn’t dead yet, David Hasselhoff’s time on this show has gone officially kaput.

The Hoff is Off.

Some liked it Hoff, but apparently most people didn’t. And while his cha-cha was challenged, to say the least, I could have sworn that his ‘Baywatch’ life preserver would have kept him afloat in the competition for at least a couple of more weeks. Was it because Germany wasn’t allowed to vote? Or maybe too many people couldn’t bear to have their fond ‘80s memories of Michael Knight and Mitch Buchannon marred by this guy in pleather clomping around on the dance floor. Or was it payback for being such a stickler on “America’s Got Talent”?

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Well, at least we got a luscious reminder of his Hoff-the-charts 1980s hairstyles during Adam Carolla’s wobblingly entertaining segment, “Tour de Dance.” And at least he still has Germany, right? I’m sure the Hoff would kill on that country’s version of the show (called “Let’s Dance”). But you don’t Hassel the Hoff, and the Hoff himself was not hassled by this dubious honor of being the first contestant off this season. He took the beating like a champ (albeit a champ without a mirror ball trophy), and graciously walked Hoff with his head held high and a nice send-Hoff to his partner, Kym Johnson. (Bear with me; I had a whole season’s worth of puns that I now need to get Hoff my chest and squeezed into this small entry.)

Though when it came down to the Hoff and Kyle Massey, I was sure that Tuesday night would be young Kyle’s swan song. As much as I enjoyed his performance, how many people knew who Kyle was going into the competition? More important, how many of those people actually watch “DWTS”? Clearly, more than I gave them credit for, as he was safe to dance another week.

Though in retrospect, didn’t it seem like the Hoff could foresee the glittery curtains coming? He said he didn’t think he had a shot of going past the second or the third round, and those black “Sex Bomb” outfits he and Kym were sporting quickly became funereal. “If we go out, we’ll go out in a blaze of glory,” he proclaimed. Hey, maybe that’s why the lights on stage seemed a lot brighter than usual that night.

Because there were some moments during Santana and Daughtry’s performances that were downright blinding. What was that shining in my eye, a firebomb? Santana, India.Arie and Daughtry performed admirably, accompanied by our pros out on the dance floor. It’s always a treat to see our pros come out and show us what they can really do. Enjoyed Santana’s “Oye Como Va” and “Photograph,” the duet with him and Daughtry at the end. I also enjoyed how they were both so bold as to tell Tom Bergeron whom they were rooting for: Santana put his money on Kurt Warner: “He’s got the rhythm and he’s got the flow.” And Daughtry favored his mane man Michael Bolton.

What did you think of the first elimination, ballroom fans? Were you as shocked as I was? Anyone else feel duped from that first hour of “special recap”? How much do you love Florence Henderson (“Can I see your Situation? Can I touch?”)? Is there really a wet bar on the balcony? Should Rick Fox really be putting all that makeup on that delicious toffee? Who do you have pegged to win it all?

— Allyssa Lee

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Photo: David Hasselhoff and Kym Johnson cha-cha. Photo credit: Adam Larkey / ABC.

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