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Enough Carrie Prejean news to make your head explode

November 14, 2009 |  8:10 am

MonicaCarrie Prejean, we wanna party with you.

Relaxing our way into the weekend, we are taking in the full scope of the land mines that have appeared around you since last we spoke. And we didn't speak that long ago, dear.

First, Carrie, there was that visit with Larry King.

In terms of walk-offs, your effort fell somewhere between when Kanye West's mom's surgeon walked off King's show, and when Usher didn't walk but did end his interview early after King's Michael Jackson questions went where Usher didn't want them to go.

Some advice: If you're going to make a bold statement, commit to it. Want to walk off? Then walk the heck off! Throw something while you're at it! Even if it's only a tear-stained, wadded-up tissue! (Sadly, they don't travel far, we've learned). 

Also: The big dogs won't take you seriously if you fight back with "that's inappropriate," or even "that's very inappropriate." The "Carrie is polite" ship has sailed. We recommend something along the lines of, "Is that the best question you can come up with, old man? C'mon, even Sean 'What do you tell young girls?' Hannity could do better. You drop your faux shock and I'll drop mine."

So, back to that mine field ...

We continued our clickfest and we came across Friday's reports: Thirty naked pictures. Seven more sex tapes. And biblically acceptable breast implants in a pear tree. 

This gave us a visual of scruffy older men late at night in dim, cubicle-filled rooms trading this stuff like dog-eared baseball cards. Which made us go "ick." We now firmly believe that some people -- you included -- need a new hobby.

Time to turn the rule on its head: overconfess, underdeliver.

Spill it all. Make some stuff up. Stop the madness! Because Carrie Prejean, we wanna party with you.

Just a few cocktails, maybe some appetizers. Nothing to ruin that figure.

Think about it.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Yes, that's a picture of Monica Lewinsky from 2000. Because frankly we're getting a little fatigued with all the pics of Carrie Prejean. For the record, Monica made it all the way through her appearance on "Larry King Live." Credit: Jim Young / Reuters.

Related Carrie Prejean dispatches endorsed by the Ministry of Gossip:

Carrie Prejean, solo: 'It was me in the tape'

Carrie Prejean confirms 'sex tape,' but ...

Miss England (past/present) could teach Carrie Prejean a thing or two

Carrie Prejean and the Miss Universe pageant call it a draw


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