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Late-night jokes: 'Cowboys & Aliens' is not about California farming

July 26, 2011 |  8:34 am

Cowboys & Aliens poster

As The Ticket's 69,000-plus Twitter followers here and 7,000 Facebook friends/fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the "Share" buttons above.

Fallon: In an interview, President Obama says he wants a ‘debt ceiling deal’ for his 50th birthday. Then he said, ‘Or an iPad.’

Letterman: Looks like they might get a debt limit deal down in Washington. They're going to raise it $2.5 trillion. Thanks a lot, Oprah.

Leno: Moody's Investors Service is talking about lowering the U.S. credit rating -- from 'AAA' down to 'LOL.'

Conan: Forecasters warn the temperature in Washington could surpass 100 degrees. Republicans vow to hold it below 96.

Conan: The American space shuttle program is over after 30 years. NASA will now have to pay Russia $63 million to fly every U.S. astronaut into space. Another $15 million if he checks a bag.

Leno: Your federal government at work: The FAA has ordered the owner-pilot of his ownAtlantis last Launch 7-8-11 one-helicopter company to give himself a surprise random drug test.

Leno: Daniel Craig is here tonight to talk about Cowboys & Aliens. No, not California farming. It’s his new movie called 'Cowboys & Aliens.'

Fallon: Philadelphia has a new plan to ticket pedestrians texting without looking as they walk. As opposed to the previous punishment -– lampposts.

Fallon: Microsoft has announced that Hotmail users will no longer be able to use the email password, ‘123456.’ In a related story, millions of morons just changed their password to ‘234567.’

Leno: According to a new survey by Charles Schwab, 6% of teenagers expect their parents to support them financially forever. I believe they are called 'philosophy majors.'

Fallon: The postal service will soon offer online previews of 2012 stamps. Finally answering the question –- ‘What’s more boring than stamps?'

Leno: A lot of campaign talk these days about Republican candidates with headaches called migraines. But Obama has one too, called Joe Biden.

Fallon: A new study says only 20% of high school seniors are proficient in geography. But students are not bothered by that. Only 3% are proficient in math.


Obama's new eco0nomic plan: Buy lottery tickets and hope

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Seeking better economic advice, Obama opts for Magic 8-Ball

-- Andrew Malcolm

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Photo illustration: "Cowboys & Aliens"; Jay Catalano (Atlantis' last launch, July 8).