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Nah, nah, Jesse Ventura's too chicken to run for the Senate

July 14, 2008 |  7:37 pm

Well, you can stop holding your breath.

Former pro wrestler and former Minnesota Gov. Jesse 'Come Over Here and Say That' Ventura has decided not to run for the U.S. Senate seat now held by Republican Norm 'I Used to Be Mayor, You Know' Coleman and now desired by Democrat Al 'Big Fat Comedian With a Work Comp Payment Problem' Franken.

Unless he changes his mind before the filing deadline of 5 p.m. Tuesday.

That woulda been a wonderful "Smackdown 08."  Picture the televised debates, Jesse ranting and pointing his finger at the camera after smashing a chair over the moderator's head. Franken trying to be funny again. And Norm,Former Minnesota Gov Jesse Ventura decides against a race for a Senate seat the former St. Paul mayor, consulting his notes on fiscal numbers.

Jesse was made for the media. Huge guy. Deep voice. Outrageous opinions. Sounds good. Who would you want with on your side in a bar fight, even if he started it?

So, naturally the big guy chose to end the speculation that he started himself a week or so ago by going on the staid traditional forum of "Larry King Live" to make his non-announcement because that show didn't have any missing blonde high school cheerleaders to interview the parents of tonight.

Jeese's speaking fees must be fading for him to gin up this 10-day publicity dust devil.

Jesse said he was sick and tired of both parties. All they do is spend other people's money, he said. He also said he might not even vote, there's so little difference between them. He said they denounce each other and then make backroom buddy-buddy deals with each other, just like pro wrestling. And he's angry about it.

Larry could have gotten a lot of other angry people to go on and say that. What about Ron 'The Revolution Is Coming' Paul? Or Bob 'The Body' Barr?

And in a move that could have created Minnesota residency problems if he'd run, Jesse let slip that he's moved southwest and now lives at least half the year in Mexico. Which is understandable given Minnesota's surfing conditions and the summertime bug supply in the Land of 10,000,000 Lakes or however many they claim up there.

Come to think of it, the Lakers did the same thing.

--Andrew Malcolm