Opinion: Barack Obama dumps Scarlett Johansson! Denies e-mail relationship

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Let’s just state right up front that if Scarlett Johansson was chattering publicly to even one person, let alone a media crowd, that we had any kind of relationship, The Ticket would in a nano-heartbeat confirm totally whatever she said. She’d be dead-on in our minds, indubitably.

That’s partly why we were so down -- well, devastated really -- a couple of weeks ago when The Ticket learned and wrote that Scarlett -- we call her that because we’ve never actually met -- was talking publicly about her ongoing relationship with presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

According to Scarlett, who’s a fervent Obama supporter with phone calls and fundraisers and everything, the two of them were going at it pretty hot and heavy with the e-mails, back-and-forth and back-and-forth and back-and-forth.

And all of us, including Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett’s alleged fiance, were left to guess exactly what might be in those electronic missives.

We learned of the Obama-Johansson relationship, as we learn of most important things, from our fellow LATimes.com blogger Elizabeth Snead over at the Dish Rag. Because of our nonexistent....

... relationship with Scarlett, the headline caught us: ‘Who is Barack Obama’s sexy Hollywood hottie?’

As usual, Elizabeth had all the details and quotes. Scarlett revealed the most time she and the senator had spent together was the first day they met and ever since they grab a few minutes here and there. She also said:

“You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails? But he does.

‘And in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them. Nobody sees it. Nobody talks about it, but it’s incredible. I feel like I’m supporting someone, and having a personal dialogue with them. And it’s amazing.”

Elizabeth has more, of course. But what really killed us was Scarlett saying: ‘I am engaged to Barack Obama. My heart belongs to Barack.’ Oh, the pain.

This weeny Ivy League lawyer, who actually likes the White Sox, bowls like a Martian and golfs like he’s weed-whacking. Yet 1.6 million people give him nearly $300 million and Scarlett hands him her heart. About four years ago this guy was voting ‘present’ in Springfield, Ill. -- Springfield!!! And today he’s got Scarlett Johansson’s heart.

So we were somewhat ecstatic to learn a few hours ago from Jim Geraghty over at the National Review Online that it’s all over, totally off, between Barack and Scarlett.

And it must be an official breakup because word came right from the senator himself, who made it sound like Scarlett didn’t even have his personal e-mail.

Obama was chatting with the guys on his campaign plane when he referred to his personal assistant, Reggie Love. ‘She sent one e-mail to Reggie, who forwarded it to me,’ Obama said matter-of-factly.

‘I write saying, ‘Thank you, Scarlett, for doing what you do.’ And suddenly we have this e-mail relationship.’

Ouch!

Via the media. Not even a ‘Dear Scarlett’ IM or Twitter. Now, that sounds like a breakup.

You know what? It also sounds like somebody’s wife in a $148 dress got into somebody’s husband’s ear about all this public talk of e-mail relationships and engagements and heart-belongings with one of the planet’s most beautiful women.

But that’s just a wild political guess.

-- Andrew Malcolm