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Matt Weinstock -- March 19, 1959

March 19, 2009 |  4:00 pm

Diamond Discount?

Matt_weinstockdA businessman who last year brought four season tickets for the Dodger games decided not to repeat and has ignored several reminder letters.

The other day he received a phone call from the Dodger ticket office. Was he going to renew? No. Why? Because of the price. "What about a discount? he asked bluntly.

The ticket tycoon was horrified. In all his years in baseball, he said, he'd never heard of such a thing.

"Well, think about it," was the response. "In my business if a man gave me an order for $1,500 in March, paid in advance, and didn't get delivery of all the goods until August or September I'd certainly give him a discount!"

real weird. A man I know drove his wife and another couple home from Las Vegas and briefly went over 100 m.p.h. The remarkable thing, it occurred to him, was that no one in the gay group was particularly concerned.

1959_0319_poitierThe next day he was halted by a gendarme on Riverside Drive and given a valentine for going too slowly -- holding up traffic, the officer said.

* *

THE PLUMBING in Hank Howe's bathroom became stopped up and after an hour's cussing and sweating over a "plumber's friend" and coiled "snake" he removed the cause -- a Popsicle stick.

He shouted for his son Danny, 3, and demanded angrily, "Do you know anything about this?"

"Not me, Pop," Danny replied innocently. "I haven't been in here for about two months."

* *

Chemical warfare is no threat
To those in our community
With all the smog we've had for years
We've built up an immunity

* *

1959_0319_herblock THE MAD JARGON of the electronics robots apparently is endless.

A man testing a new computer was asked to make up his own specifications and feed them to the machine. He hastily compiled some data for a modernistic ash tray and, reports Missiles and Rockets magazine, inserted it. The computer digested his information in seconds and responded with the terse teletype reply, "Geometrically impossibl."

Disconcerted, the man retorted, "At least I can spell 'impossible.' "

* *

A LEAFLET announcing a meeting at an East Side school at which a controversial bill in the Legislature would be discussed had the entrancing malaprop, "Learn about the factors involved in this political bug-of-war."

Bugaboo, bugbear, tug of war -- what's the difference?

* *

1959_0319_abby DO DOGS DIG television? Yes, says Lorraine D'Essen of New York, who trains them and other animals for stage and TV. She's here with her greyhound Steverino, once Steve Allen's mascot, which appeared on the Jack Benny show last night.

She always lets her other 9 or 10 dogs watch when one of them is on TV and swears that when the thespian of the moment returns home, he or she says, in dog language, "Well, did you see me?" And the others, always ganged up at the door, wag their tails and say, "You were great, kid."

* *

MISCELLANY -- On reaching the corner, the motorman of a P car on which Johnny O'Toole was riding called out, "First and Los Angeles! Parker's Hilton!" Another one, I'm told, sings out "Pitchess' Prison one block north!" as his car arrives at 1st and Broadway . . . Recommended listening: Pianist Freddie Gambrell playing "Stompin' at the Savoy" on his new album . . . Flash! A group of Hollywood beatniks have discovered a restaurant where the coffee is 8 cents a mug and tastes better . . . Ben Irwin muses, "No matter what you think about the Duncan case one thing is certain -- the butler didn't do it."