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Late Night: Colbert and Andy Cohen sip cosmos, dish about Romney

January 12, 2012 |  9:25 am

Political pundits like to compare presidential candidates to potential suitors, and Wednesday night, Stephen Colbert took this cliché to its logical extreme. In a spot-on “Sex and the City” spoof, co-starring “Watch What Happens Live” host Andy Cohen, Colbert perfectly dramatized Republican indifference to “safe bet” Mitt Romney.

Colbert began by comparing his relationship to an arranged marriage. “He’s not the warmest candidate, or the most conservative. But you know, he’s there."

"It’s not fireworks, but I should just grow up and accept it,” Colbert said.  “I should think of myself not as a voter, but as a 12-year-old Indonesian girl promised to the rich old man from a nearby village.”

Gazing at a picture of “Romney” (actually “Sesame Street” muppet Guy Smiley), Colbert voiced his confusion: “I cannot tell if I’m missing something or if I’m just afraid to let myself be happy. If this were a romantic comedy, I’d get advice from my perceptive gay best friend.”

Right on cue, Cohen answered Colbert’s call for help. As a pair of waiters arrived with two frosty-looking cosmopolitans, Colbert explained his mixed feelings about Romney. “Everyone says he’s the best I can do. But he’s good, not great.”

“Sounds like half my orgasms,” Cohen joked, sounding very Miranda-esque. After Colbert cracked a very Samantha-esque double entendre about the waiter’s “tip,” Cohen drew an analogy between politics and salad. (There’s nothing “Sex and the City” loved quite so much as a labored metaphor.)

“Relationships should be passionate, like honeymoon salad,” Cohen explained. “Lettuce alone, no dressing.”

This prompted a moment of reflection from Colbert, who opened his laptop and began typing away. (I always knew he was a Carrie.)  “Suddenly I realized, Andy was right,” Colbert said. “I wanted arugula and endive, but I was getting iceberg. Was I ready to-mate-o for life, or would I balsamic vina-regret it? What do I really want, in my heart of palm?”

“Sex and the City” fans will get a kick out of the pitch-perfect dialogue, but pundits ought to take note, as well:  In the end, Carrie did choose Mr. Big. 




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— Meredith Blake