‘Survivor’ recap: The book of Matthew

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There really is nothing to say.

Who am I kidding, there’s plenty to say about last night’s “Survivor”! I mean … you would think … seriously? That’s how I feel about the whole episode, not just the last few minutes at tribal council.

First there was Sarita arriving at Redemption Island, telling Matt he’s been dreaming all this time when hearing Zapatera horror stories. Seemed kind of pointless to me (almost as humorous as hearing her say she’s a worthy competitor), but it further builds the case for Matt to switch teams if he returns to the game.

Turns out he didn’t have long before he was faced with that decision, because Matt won his sixth duel while Phillip talked on and on about some Bushido Blade nonsense. Matt reentered the game after defeating Sarita in a peg-standing contest, if you will, and then Jeff Probst announced the Zapatera and Ometepe tribes were merging … and that Redemption Island will be starting all over.

Anyone else surprised to hear that people still have a chance to return to the game after being voted out? At what point, exactly, will the last person standing at RI come back now? Your guess is as good as mine. As for now, Matt’s back and everyone’s enjoying a merge feast and thinking up names for their new tribe. They end up with… Murlonio, which Boston Rob says means “from the sea, united.” In reality, it’s the name of the ringleader of his wife’s stuffed animals. Sigh, getting kind of tired of this man right here.

Next thing you know, it’s down to business. Mike tells Matt he wants to go far with him, that he’s OK “whittling down” his own tribe to do so, and that otherwise Matt will be gone again soon. As the Zapatera members mope in the rainy, non-tarped side of the shelter, Matt and Andrea are together once again. He tells her he wants to take down everyone from Ometepe, with a plan that involves getting rid of Steve, and then Phillip, before blindsiding Rob. Andrea seems excited and also cautious. Matt says that “Survivor” is all about big moves, but Andrea says in her confessional that his plan may be too risky. All seems well in the morning, though, when the two are sitting around the fire with Mike, who’s reading Matt’s Bible (the book of Matthew, natch). We then see Rob talking about the new “Christian coalition” with Natalie, and in this context he’s for sure establishing himself as the new devil of this season. And really, with all of his silly antics (some good game play, some stuff just for kicks), is he not the new Russell, out to crush everything seemingly good near him?

We then have our immunity challenge, the first where individual immunity is up for grabs, and everyone has to balance balls on a board. And … Natalie wins it? Like, for real? Who gave this girl a chance at anything (besides some of the survivorsucks.com users?)?

I don’t know if that alone pushed Matt to go completely bonkers and tell Rob everything he’s thinking and feeling in the game of “Survivor,” but he did. Everything. Rob’s mad, and so is Matt’s girl Andrea, who feels like he threw her under the bus all in the name of honesty. In the meantime, Mike is unaware of the actual flipping that’s going on before he hoped to get Matt and Andrea over to his side at tribal council. The former Marine goes as far as to write Matt a note to vote out Grant and he’ll go to the final three. He even gets Ralph to agree to use his idol on him just because he did well at the challenge (coming second to Natalie) and fears for his safety.

At tribal, David whined about the rain, Andrea bragged that they won the tarp, David confessed to throwing the challenge and then he interrupted Phillip. Which, apparently, you do not do. At least everyone finally laughed in the face of Phillip’s ridiculousness. But when business was done, Matt was blindsided again. Sent to Redemption Island… once again. Lord help him.

What were y’all thinking when Matt rejoined the game? When he talked too much? When he got voted out yet again? I mean… really? And, if Rob is as awesome as he thinks he is, will Grant be gone next week? What should we expect, if anything, from here on out? More of the Boston Rob variety hour?

Note: If you guys ever have any questions you’re dying to ask Sarita or anyone when they’re eliminated from the show, tweet me @anthonyw_ent once they’ve put their buffs into the urn. I interview them Thursday mornings.

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‘Survivor’ recap: Sense and sensibility

‘Survivor’ postgame: Krista on her faith and playing with Russell

Complete ‘Survivor’ coverage on Show Tracker

— Anthony Williams
twitter.com / anthonyw_ent