‘Dancing With the Stars’ results recap: Patriot ax

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Maybe it was because they were too foreign for this patriotic-themed week. Alas, in this fifth week of competition, sweet supermodel from the Czech Republic Petra Nemcova and her Russian pro partner Dmitry Chaplin were booted from the competition.

The writing was on the wall and on Petra and Dmitry’s faces when they found out they were still in jeopardy and fellow bottom-dwellers Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Americana were deemed safe. Isn’t it interesting that the Czech and the Russian got voted off on America Week, and not the Yankee Doodle Dandy who danced in an outfit teeming with stars and stripes? Petra admitted their dress rehearsal dance was better than their actual live performance, and unfortunately, despite throwing a handful of gambling chips up in the air, their “Viva Las Vegas” quickstep didn’t win them another week in the competition. And while she wasn’t a great dancer, I’ll miss Petra for her radiant, ever-sunny disposition and her beautiful heart. And the way she and Dmitry rocked that formalwear.

The encore performance came courtesy of Romeo and Chelsie Hightower, who did their rendition of “New York, New York” with more easygoing verve and swagger this time around. And Chelsie decided to shake things up: Whereas on Monday night, her earring went flying, tonight she chose to have her barrette fall loose from her hair. The versatility on that one!

Country star Toby Keith performed two songs. The first was “Should’ve Been a Cowboy” with Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Lacey Schwimmer and the “DTWS” Troupe. After a rare bobble from Maks and Lacey at the beginning of their routine, the performance went off without a hitch, with fun line dancing, a lasso move that roped in the viewers, and Maks making longhorns with his fingers and smoothing down his eyebrows at the end. The second was “American Soldier,” featuring real-life marrieds Anna Trebunskaya and Jonathan Roberts, in honor of the troops abroad and those seated in the audience.

Psycho Mike Catherwood returned from his early elimination to host a “whistleblower” segment where he exposed “DWTS” for the gaseous farce that it is. And this seemed more about embarrassing poor Hines Ward and Chelsie than anything else. Hines, in a moment of intense concentration, passed gas, and something fell out of Chelsie’s shirt. “Is that what girls wear nowadays?” Romeo wondered. “Mechanical bam-bams?” Well, we did also witness Maks go on a long, rambling, visual diatribe about how sexy he was, including a part where he proclaimed himself “like a stick in a boiling pot of sex.” Mike himself didn’t have to suffer that much indignity; just a scene or two of him in his tighty whities. “We got off easy,” Tom said with a sigh of relief. Well, until Brooke made the aural equivalent of splitting her pants trying to pronounce the word “choreographed,” that is.

Macy’s Stars of Dance has really been upping their production values this season. This one was choreographed by Jamal Sims of “Step Up” fame and presented a high-octane version of a guy new to New York living out the American dream. The performance captured the frenetic energy of the Manhattan streets, going from the cab to the subway turnstiles to a diner, then from break dancing, to a Latin club, and then to Wall Street with briefcases. Of course, all the fun and high energy could also be attributed to the infectiously upbeat song itself, “Tightrope” by Janelle Monáe.

There was another pre-taped segment where the judges broke down the remaining contestants’ strengths and weaknesses. It featured Len turned in profile, and was punctuated with big bolded text on the screen, like “CONTROL COMBINED WITH PASSION MAKES A WINNER.” We found out that Kendra lacks confidence, Hines needs to take a few more risks, Chris lacks musicality, Chelsea needs to blend the traditional with the new, Ralph needs to get past his jerky movements, Kirstie needs to improve on her stamina, and Romeo lacks refinement.

What did you think, ballroom fans? Did the right star go home this week? Has Kendra become the Bristol Palin of this season? Is Brooke Burke losing her edge? Does a top hat really undercut a tough guy, like Tom said? Did Ralph just make Bruno an indecent proposal when the actor said he’d bring more sex if Bruno brings the scores?

—Allyssa Lee

Related:

‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Stars and stripes forever

‘Dancing With the Stars’ results recap: Time to say goodbye to Sugar Ray Leonard

Complete ‘Dancing With the Stars’ coverage on Show Tracker

Photo credits: Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin: Adam Taylor / ABC