Will ‘Mad Men’ cut six characters? And how should it kill them off?
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Yes, it’s true: due to ongoing contract negotiations, up to six members of ‘Mad Men’ could be cut from the series in a money-saving move over the next three seasons. Though we’ll cut anyone who even thinks of touching Peggy or Pete, truthfully, the thought of killing off, say, Joan’s husband Greg kind of excites us. As poor old Miss Blankenship once said, ‘It’s a business of sadists and masochists and you know which one you are.’ So, being of the former persuasion, we thought it might be fun to suggest how ‘Mad Men’ should snuff out your favorite characters. A few suggestions below:
Long after being ousted from Sterling Cooper onto the streets of Manhattan, Duck Phillips’ dog Chauncey returns to maul his cruel owner to death.
During a tragic edition of her favorite game, ‘spaceman,’ Sally Draper dons her mother’s plastic dry cleaner bag -- and suffocates. Betty does not cry. After all, Sally was such a bad girl.
Bert Cooper dies of cirrhosis of the liver.
Devastated by Sally’s death, Glen Bishop seeks out Betty’s consolation - and chokes on one of her ham sandwiches.
Trudy Campbell’s head gets eaten by one of her enormous hats.
Freddy Rumsen dies of cirrhosis of the liver.
Joan’s husband Greg Harris is killed on his first day in Vietnam - not on the battlefield, but when a lady of the night gives him a disease that, as the world’s worst doctor, he can’t possibly cure.
Dr. Faye Miller calls upon her dad’s mafia connections and arranges to have Don Draper ‘disappeared.’
Roger Sterling dies of lung cancer. And cirrhosis of the liver.
But hey, if we let the writers kill a few of these guys, we should be able to revive at least one of our favorites, right? Our vote goes to Blankenship. Maybe she wasn’t dead after all. Maybe she was just really, really tired of answering phones.
Your own ideas for annihilating other ‘Mad Men’ characters are welcomed below. After all, the way Pete Campbell’s been waving that rifle around, somebody’s bound to get hurt.
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-- Melissa Maerz