‘Bethenny Getting Married’: Cake boss

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With just two weeks (in TV time) leading up to her wedding, Bethenny (and company) are scrambling to make the final touches for the big day. OK, Shawn is … but Bethenny continues dishing out demands (“beef tartare?!?!?”) while Jason is, well, lounging on the couch watching March Madness. This is the kind of drama that happens when there’s nobody living in a land of jellybeans and lollipops. It’s kind of refreshing, right? Right?? OK, it’s a little lackluster, but maybe that’s just because my ears aren’t trying to discern six shouting voices at once.

Before the wedding madness unfolds, though, viewers watch as very pregnant Bethenny autographs bottles of her Skinnygirl cocktails for her adoring fans at a BevMo-like store. But Bethenny is more concerned with getting her new assistant Max, who apparently is better at steaming Bethenny’s jumpsuits than picking up girls, to a date. A luxury that’s not likely to happen, he points out, with such a demanding boss (cue spot-on Bethenny impersonation). I think Maxy deserves a raise for that stellar impression … and for having the guts to actually do it.

As noted earlier, much of the drama in Thursday’s episode centered the stress of making final preparations for the wedding. Bethenny, who has a baby on board and a book that needs attention, is quickly finding herself to be a candidate on another reality show: “Bridezillas.” She’s got the help of a hovering wedding planner, Shawn, but can’t help but, well, hover over him over every detail. And when it comes to the cake, it’s no different. Bethenny’s preferred cake vendor is unable to make her wedding cake. But she doesn’t care. She wants her cake to taste exactly like the red velvet cake of the front-runner (or she will cut one of Shawn’s, um, appendages off). It’s that important -- who cares that it’s an unreasonable request? So it’s up to Shawn, who seems to have a case of Ramona eyes, to make it happen.

Then there’s the whole panic attack Bethenny has while trying to nail down a dinner menu for the reception as Jason watches a basketball game. After the screaming fest from Bethenny, Jason said something that acknowledged the spectacle of it all -- that the whole wedding felt like a business affair; a production for the cameras. Thank you! I mean, guests are asked not to bring cameras? When did Bethenny become Jennifer Lopez? I understand that she’s in the public eye and there are people out there who aren’t above trying to cash in on that, but, seriously, is it that serious?

But the most poignant moment came when the couple met with their wedding officiant, who begins the session by taking a picture of them (and prodding them to look “happier”). The officiant touches a nerve when she asks who will be present from their immediate families. When Bethenny answers “no one,” it sends her on an emotional roller coaster as she is reminded that she is alone. Jason comforts his bride to be, reminding her of the family they’ll soon have together. It was a such a sweet, genuine moment that it makes you forget about the spectacle of it all. ‘Cause, let’s be honest, it is a spectacle; it’s a wedding on TV! Ugh, and when he calls her his “kite,” all bets were off. I don’t know if it was because of all the cold medication I had taken, but I was crying like a baby.

The waterworks are sure to continue next week, as the wedding finally arrives. My tears, though, might stem from my excitement at seeing Ramona Singer.

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Best part of Thursday’s episode: when Bethenny is preparing for her bridal shower. After realizing the dress that she planned on wearing no longer fits, she must quickly scramble to find an alternate outfit. That the alternate outfit ended up being a shirt is absolutely amazing. It’s like she was paying homage to Kelly Bensimon or something.

Oh, and did Bethenny and Jason litter outside City Hall before getting their marriage license? Tsk, tsk.

ShowTrackers, what did you think of the episode? Team Bethenny or Team Jason on the wedding planning issues? Would you have said ‘yes’ to uncooked hamburger meat for your wedding meal? Oh, and I’m speaking with Max next week, so if you have any questions you’re dying to ask the spikey-haired assistant, leave them in the comments section.

-- Yvonne Villarreal