‘Gossip Girl’ season finale: OMG WTH UGH

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Those acronyms and others flooded my BlackBerry and Twitter feed the moment last night’s ‘Gossip Girl’ season finale came to an end. I couldn’t help but echo the sentiments of so many viewers out there because, really, ‘Gossip Girl,’ WTH? I was overwhelmed to the point of speechlessness by the smorgasbord of storylines. My OMGs weren’t uttered out of shock and awe but rather out of incredulousness that it had come to this point of excess.

I know we ask for drama, but did they have to throw in every play in the book? So much was crammed within that hour that I began to wonder exactly how many seasons this finale was supposed to cover. Where was the intrigue, the mystery, the restraint? ‘Gossip Girl’ gave it up as easily as a sad, lonely virgin with raccoon eyes.

The episode started fairly well. Blair pretended she had no intention of meeting Chuck on top of the Empire State Building, though we knew that deep down not even a hokey, overused plotline could keep those two apart. Serena and Dan rekindled their awkward attraction and, despite their insistence that ‘nothing happened,’ they slipped straight into damage-control mode once Jenny blasted their business on Gossip Girl. Despite its incestuous undertones, I actually was willing to cosign on that love affair only because Serena was likable when she was with Dan. She was struggling for redemption and purpose back then, not serving as pouty filler with a really cute (though occasionally slutty) wardrobe. I’ll take Serena battling her inner demons over Serena dealing with whiny daddy issues any day!

My interest piqued when Georgina Sparks arrived. She’d always been a reliable source for scandal, and I was dying to know why she returned to Manhattan looking like a Real Housewife of New Jersey. However, I’d say her entrance was a little premature. Her pregnancy reveal, which truly could have been the big OMG moment of the episode, would have had greater impact if she hadn’t spent the previous 20 minutes lurking in hospital corners and groveling at Chuck’s feet.
Then there was Jenny. The good-girl-gone-bad direction was a fun idea until she went sour. After betraying her own family, running away from home and willingly sleeping with the guy who had once tried to molest her on a rooftop, Jenny deserved Blair’s scathing remarks as well as her banishment to suburbia. Hurricane J needed to be stopped before she lost every redeemable quality about her. Because then, not even a sassy gay stepbrother could help her win back fans. I hope her time in Hudson renews her sense of self; it’ll be hard to bounce back after a year like that, but underneath that eyeshadow is a butterfly waiting to emerge from her cocoon.

Speaking of cocoon, the one bright spot in the episode was the birth of Dorota’s baby girl, Anna. I have no idea how she’ll balance motherhood and attend to Blair, but I’m looking forward to finding out. As long as that baby isn’t throwing back cocktails and plotting sweet revenge on stuffed animals by the end of next season, Dorota’s little family should be just fine.
I can’t say the same for Chuck. After his grand Empire State Building plan went awry, he proceeded to descend past the point of no return. I threw my hands up the moment Jenny leaned in for the kiss because, as much as I love Chuck and Blair, there are only so many deceptions one can get away with before a relationship is downright vile and unhealthy. An epic love story like theirs should transcend all obstacles and circumstance, but it doesn’t quite work when one person is so unbelievably and unforgivably flawed.

For the last two seasons, Blair would inevitably follow the same patterns -- wallow in heartbreak after Chuck disappoints her, take valid steps to move on and then throw it all out the window when he makes a grand gesture -- and it’s become staid. I want Chuck and Blair to find happiness like everyone else, but a gigantic Harry Winston diamond ring isn’t going to patch up the fact that they’ve dug themselves into a rut. The appeal of the push-pull dynamic of their relationship is starting to wane, so if anything is to come out of the ridiculous idea of Chuck getting shot, it should be a story that rejuvenates both -- and not just throws them back into their old habits.

If I were to flip through the Season Finale Handbook, last night’s episode would have taken me cover to cover. In that hour, we witnessed a past love rekindled, the birth of a child, a virginity lost, a breakup, an attempted proposal, an exile, a surprise pregnancy and a main character robbed and shot (did I miss anything?). I don’t know whether to interpret such exorbitance as a sign of desperation on the show’s part or a sign of genius. The fact that it’s evoked this kind of reaction makes me lean toward the latter, but it’s going to take a stellar Season 4 for me to feel fully convinced that it’s not the former.

Whew, what a season! Happy summer, readers! Don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments because I’m sure you have a lot to say about that doozy of an episode.

xoxo

--Enid Portuguez