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'Real Housewives of New York City': Dog poop, a ring, and a shortage of fabric

April 23, 2010 |  8:47 am
Just one second. I need to get this flier finished and posted around town before next week’s episode.

LOST: Kelly’s pants (again).

Last seen: Who knows?

What the pants looks like: Long and super skinny. Probably have a horse’s body emblazoned on them. Oh, and that horrid black beanie might be in one of its pockets.

Reward: LuAnn will say “Thank you” in Italian.

**And while you’re at it, if you could also keep a lookout for Alex’s pants, that’d be great. 

OK. Let’s get thing started … with a bowel movement?

It seems that Jill’s pooch, Ginger, isn’t feeling too well these days. And when the vet made a house call, the poop hit the fan. Feces everywhere. On the rug. On that tacky sofa. On the dude’s “plastic shoes.” Who knew such a tiny dog could house such a large supply of excrement? I’m so glad the folks at Bravo decided to enlighten me. Was the scene meant to show that Ginger, like her owner, is full of crap? 

Out in Brooklyn, Bethenny breaks the news to Alex that she’s engaged. Guess that means Jason finally returned her call! Surprisingly, there wasn’t a camera crew there to capture the moment, but Bethenny recreated the scene for us: The apartment was lit with candles. There were roses. He got down on one knee. He cried. 

An understandably excited Bethenny couldn’t wait to share the news. So she thought the right time would come at some event Kelly was hosting. I’ll get to the filler portions of the episode later. Let’s get to the good stuff.

The night of the event finally arrives. Wait. Wait. Wait. Where are Kelly’s pants? I have found myself asking that question way too many times this season. Like, is she serious? That has to be a shirt. That napkin, er, dress would’ve been too short on Verne Troyer. I love that she considers wearing a dress that barely covers her nether region as “dressing really feminine.” Yeah, in that if there’s a gust of wind, people will see your lady parts.

Uh oh. Wait. Is there a shortage on fabric going on in the nation that I don’t know about? Because where is the rest of Alex’s dress? Forget the search for the missing fabric; LuAnn needs attention. Can someone tell me why this woman is speaking Italian? Yes, she’s still hung up on Mario’s “countless” comment and feels this event provided the perfect opportunity to air their “dirty laundry” in front of other people … in Italian? Someone get this woman a hobby.

Back to the recycled drama. Upon Bethenny’s arrival inside the lounge area, Jill and LuAnn quickly leave the scene. A happy Bethenny shares the news of her engagement to those who stuck around. Kelly eventually catches up to Jill and LuAnn and tells them about the engagement. Jill unconvincingly fakes happiness upon hearing the news. Later that night, LuAnn approaches Bethenny to congratulate her -- shockingly, there was no Italian involved. Oh, but she did make note (AGAIN!) of the snake incident: “Even if you called me a snake, I’m saying ‘Congratulations.’” This is where you roll your eyes. 

Anyway … Jill eventually approaches Bethenny to congratulate her. It was forced. It was awkward. Who is she trying to fool? It would have been better had she not said anything. Her fakeness in that moment was beyond infuriating. And while it clicked for Bethenny that things between them were definitely done, it clicked for Jill that she wasn’t ready to let go. A guilty conscience? According to previews for the rest of the season, we might see the two reconcile. Or will we?

Other notable moments: 

-- Newbie Sonja pointing out Kelly’s amnesia. Seems the two have had several encounters prior to Sonja’s mix into the clan … but Kelly acted like they’ve never met. Didn’t we hear the same complaint from Bethenny? Should I amend my “Lost” sign to include Kelly’s memory?

-- Still trying to understand why Bravo thought I needed to see a scene of Kelly burning pancakes. 

-- LuAnn shopping for a Manhattan pad was beyond mind-numbing. Apartment after apartment, her annoyingness reached a new level. Nothing was very “Countess-like.” And then the doozy: “I’m not sure about all these buildings next door.” Newsflash, LuAnn: You're in Manhattan.

Oh, and did anyone catch scenes of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” during the commercial breaks? Um, how hilariously awesome was the clip involving the tomato sauce? If it’s that time of the month, you’re not allowed to make it because you could spoil the tomatoes??? The Food Network has failed me.

So what did you think of Thursday’s episode, Show Trackers? What did you think of Jill’s behavior at the magazine event? Are you anticipating the episode of LuAnn’s sad attempt at singing? Will you tune in to “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”? And do you know where Kelly’s pants went?

-- Yvonne Villarreal

Photo credit: Bravo