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'Real Housewives of Orange County': Is that all there is?

March 5, 2010 | 11:04 am

What. the. heck?

After all the drama, the fighting, the money problems ... they end the season like that? Hello! I sat through hours of footage this season that included way too many shots of Lynne's gaudy cuffs and Alexis' tragic fuschia ensemble. I deserved more than a Simon-Tamra fight -- especially since we already know the outcome of that relationship! I was expecting to see Jim change a diaper or something mind-blowing.

The closing episode saw the housewives -- past (kind of) and present -- reunite for a little soiree at the St. Regis Hotel. As they got ready for the snoozefest of a party -- wait, why was it important for us to see them get ready? I don't need to see Tamra struggle over what dress to wear. I have no desire to watch Gretchen paint her lips red. And I could have really done without seeing Slade in a tank top. And what was with Vicki's dress? I heart the gal, but that thing looked like the wind might blow it off at any second. And Michael, you really should have worn slacks.

As mentioned, the drama of this episode focused on Tamra and Simon. During the limo ride to the party, things got a little heated. It's the same story. Simon thinks Tamra has changed since she became friends with Vicki. He had no real evidence to prove it. He just rambled on and on about how she's like Vicki and how he's not Donn. Blah blah blah. And then Tamra struck back with some bleeped words and I was back in. Then she threw in this zinger: "If you were working and making money we wouldn't be in this situation." Bam! And then this: "I want a divorce!" By the time the show returned from the commercial break -- and the Barneys finally arrived AT the party -- Simon managed to remove the tail between his legs to attempt to reconcile. How convenient. Heaven forbid they walk into the party without the facade of a perfect marriage. Even when he's trying to make things right, he's demanding: "Give me a kiss." "Get over here." Ick.

On to the party ... everyone's there. Former housewives Lauri and Jeana. Even Alexis' newly reconstructed mother. Then Lynne and Frank showed up -- with their very own pair of girls gone wild. At this point, there are no words. Forget a youthologist. Those girls need an old-fashioned timeout. Did Alexa really order a martini? Oh, brother. And wait. Was that Lynne and Frank's way of disciplining them ... by not disciplining them? Is that, like, reverse psychology or something? The young mothers featured on "16 and Pregnant" wouldn't even allow such behavior. Side note: What was with Jim inviting Frank to church? Awk.Ward.

Then there was that interaction between Lauri and Gretchen over Slade. I don't know what's worse, that Gretchen believes anything Slade says or that she thinks he's a "catch." But to be fair, I also didn't really see why it was any of Lauri's business.

But the focus would quickly return to Tamra and Simon. Tamra was itching to share her feelings with someone about her failing marriage. And when it came time to do just that, she turned to the person she kind of left hanging: Vicki. And Vicki was there to listen ... she kind of was a little too pro-dump Simon, but I would have been too. And, of course, when Simon heard that Tamra was crying he went to seek her out. Not to really see if she was OK. But to find out if she told Vicki about their argument in the limo because -- gasp! -- that just does away with his whole "we have a perfect marriage" theory. And Tamra didn't help matters. Pretending her cryfest was really about her wanting Simon and Vicki to be friends. Like Vicki, my jaw dropped. Be a woman, Tamra! Just tell the truth. Simon eventually realizes his secret has been found out. And like a little boy who was caught lying, he runs home.

And that was the last episode. Sure, we got the usual "where are they now?" capsules at the end: Lynne and Frank moved into a condo; Alexis is now working for her plastic surgeon (reader, you can insert your own snarky comment here); Gretchen and Slade are still not married; Simon filed for divorce, etc.

But all that didn't matter because I felt cheated.

Show Trackers, what did you think of the episode? Think there should be another season with the OC gals? If so, who should leave and who should stay?

-- Yvonne Villarreal

(Photo credit: Bravo)