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'Real Housewives of New York City': Labor (Day) strike

March 12, 2010 | 11:01 am

LuAnn When Ramona and her husband Mario are the go-to couple to dine with, there's something wrong -- yet oh so right -- with the universe. I'm waiting for my invitation.

Their first double date is with newly love stung Bethenny and her boyfriend (now soon-to-be husband) Jason. Oh, wait. Forgot to mention the fifth wheel at the dinner table: Ramona's hair. At this point, that coif needs its own agent with all the attention its getting. Did she really say her hair is a sex symbol? Oy.

Things over drinks would only get better when LuAnn became the topic of conversation. And Ramona and Bethenny sure had plenty to say after their awkward and tense encounters with the countess -- or as Ramona likes to call it, being "verbally raped."

Bethenny's assessment: "She just left her husband and grew a penis." Tsk, tsk, Bethenny. You know how LuAnn hates for you to talk behind her back ... or for anyone to comment on anything related to her "marriage of 16 years." How many years? 16. 16. 16. I must remember to keep tally of how many times we're knocked over the head with that fact. 

And Ramona and Mario, now the social butterflies, continued their fluttering ways with another dinner date. This time with ... Alex and Simon? Huh? Oh, and it gets better. Tweedledee (Mario) and Tweedledum (Simon) were wearing matching suits. How perfect. But wait ... Ramona's hair is back in the shot. And I don't know whether to smack Simon or hug him for telling Ramona she looked like Cameron Diaz. Why feed her ego? Oh, because it's funny.

But it can't all be double dates and Ramona's hair ... it is Labor Day weekend, after all. Let the (clashing) parties begin!

Ramona is hosting a shindig at her home in the Hamptons -- remember, the one LuAnn refuses to go to unless Mario apologizes for his "countless" comment? It's finally arrived. Jill calls Ramona to tell her she won't be attending because she doesn't want to get caught in the middle of the drama. Um, hello! Look at where you're standing, Jill. Right. In. The. Middle. And then I was reminded of the benefits of speakerphone conversations when Ramona unleashed this sentiment: "[LuAnn] has been a slut the whole time she's been married." Gasp! Do you think she was referring to the marriage of 16 years?

The party went on despite the no-shows. In attendance: Bethenny, Jason, Alex, Simon and, well, who cares about the rest? Bethenny's strained relationship with Jill became the ice breaker. I, like Bethenny, wondered who the heck this Jennifer person was. But for Bethenny to say "Are you the caterer? What are you talking to me for?" was a bit uncalled for. Kind of reminiscent of a certain bar incident, wouldn't you agree?

When it came time for Alex and Simon to switch parties and head to LuAnn's, a "renewed" Ramona bullied them into staying. And that was probably a good thing.

Over at LuAnn's depressing Labor Day party, not much was happening. Jill was there ... and, well, the kids. Oh, there's Kelly. Wait. Where are her pants? There's no time to search for them. Kelly has big news to share: She'll be posing for Playboy's 40th anniversary issue. I enjoyed that news if only because it allowed LuAnn -- ever the opportunist -- to fetch a photo of her on the cover of Playgirl, clutching onto a very hairy man's chest. I don't get it. Am I supposed to find that amazing?

And how sickeningly cute is Jason? That whole "I was missing something in my life, when I found you everything changed" comment had me on the floor. Rewind. Rewind. Rewind.

Also, note to Ramona: the "mountain out of a molehill" idiom needs to be retired. Like, now. Please.

Show Trackers, what did you think of the episode? Would you watch a show that contained only footage of Ramona's hair? Team Jill? Team Bethenny? Team LuAnn? Team Ramona? Or Team "I don't care?" Share your comments below.

-- Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: LuAnn de Lesseps. Credit: Bravo