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'Desperate Housewives': What's behind closed doors

January 18, 2010 |  7:03 am

Thank goodness the “Golden Globes” aired live or the terrible decision of choosing the telecast over a new episode of “Desperate Housewives” would have to be made. It would be hard to choose between golden statues and the return of Katherine.

There’s an old saying my parents used to tell me, “What you do behind closed doors is your business,” which was the catch-all statement of keeping business where it’s meant to be. This old adage was prettied up by Mary Alice in the opening narration to “The No. 1 rule to a successful dinner party: Keep discussion about your marriage to a minimum.”

One thing about the Lane: No discussion about your marriage is ever kept to a minimum. 

Lucky for “Desperate” fans, everyone puts their marriage on display -- for better or worse, and usually it’s for the worst.

Tom and Lynette continue to deal with the loss of the baby -- Tom decides to get professional help, as Lynette (being Lynette) would rather control Tom and anything she can (her one trait that makes my stomach churn endlessly). Orson and Bree play tug-of-war over his new predicament. And finally there is a better use for Bob and Lee other than being lawn ornaments.

The Scavos continue to find ways to weather whatever storm that Cherry & Co. brew for them. Their marriage gets tested the most, which each season reaches an exhaustive peak (one word: Kayla), and this new baby might be that moment for me this season. Whether it’s a pizza parlor, a love child or the death of a baby, Cherry & Co. are still tiptoeing around the fact that the two have issues in their marriage. Finding new ways to exploit an old problem have yet to yield worthy results. Here’s to hoping that therapy will get to the bottom of it. And I’m just dying inside to see what’s inside Tom’s “feelings journal.” Am I the only one who noticed “Frasier” star Jane Leeves as the therapist? I don’t think the show has ever had a guest star that didn’t excite me!

Orson and Bree. This relationship destroys me inside every week. What kills me the most is Bree’s guilt and Orson continuing to control her. He blames his being wheelchair-bound on Bree and her “cheating.” Overdramatic much? I’ve lost count of how many times Bree wanted out from Orson and how many times he weaseled his way back into her life. Just let it go. It’s been over for some time. The character has run its course. I’m really hoping the soak down was a glimpse of him driving her off the ledge. There is nothing like a p’d off Bree. Bring it on!

I’m desperately hoping to see more of Bob and Lee. They deserve a lot more than being background noise. Now would be the time to flesh out more backstory. But let’s not hold our breath.

The housewives somehow found time, and the heart, to forgive Katherine. Which, you know, is nice and all. But like Orson, tonight really showed me she has run her course, and I’m not letting my personal disdain for Katherine cloud my judgment. I’d rather hear from you all as to the fate of Katherine once she leaves the hospital.

With all the over-the-top drama, Gabby and Susan brought the laughs in a cute, but honest, subplot of their kids rankings in school. It was cute that the school took the PC route of classifying ability by animal: giraffe, leopard, chipmunk. For a minute all the animal talk had me thinking I was watching a Mac commercial.

The No. 1 rule to a successful episode: Keep discussion about your marriage to a maximum.

-- Gerrick D. Kennedy (Follow me on Twitter)

Photo: Bree sprays Orson down. In case you're curious, he totally deserved it. Photo credit: ABC


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