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'90210': There are two A's in drama

October 7, 2009 |  7:10 am
Silver There’s one thing you can always rely on in “90210”: That you can’t rely on anything. One moment, all seems right, then the skewed morals and the heightened misfortune of the ritzy ZIP Code kick in. Those who were on top are suddenly rock bottom. So, what better way to illustrate how everyone is faring five weeks in than with a first-quarter report card?

Adrianna, Navid and Teddy may be doing a group assignment, but each is earning a different grade. From the way ex-virgin Navid is strutting down the West Bev hallways, you’d think he’s getting straight A’s. The truth is, he has no idea what’s going on, but what’s new? Adrianna is basically waffling between him and Teddy, so she’s clueless too. It seems Teddy is leading the group and making all the right moves. First, he takes the two on a double date, which drives Adrianna into a jealous rage. He then kisses her right under Navid’s nose. For his bold leadership, Teddy gets an Ade, I mean an A. Until Navid starts taking notes again, he’s earning a D. And poor, confused Adrianna? Homegirl better ask for extra credit, because she’s failing.

Silver had a B before this episode for foolishly chasing after Dixon, who doesn’t deserve her, but continuing to be there for her friends. She should get lower marks after this episode, but she got a note from her mother (which just happened to be pinned to a brand-new car). After seeing her mother, Jackie, at one of Adrianna’s 12-step events, Silver finds the new car and a note from Jackie sitting in her driveway. In the note, Jackie invites Silver to a 12-step meeting. After much thought, Silver goes. At the meeting, Jackie delivers an impassioned speech about her regret over being an awful mother, then Silver takes the floor. She basically agrees with Jackie’s self-assessment and tells her off in front of the group. She then throws the car keys at her as she leaves. Later, Adrianna tells Silver that Jackie has cancer. I think Silver deserves a make-up assignment. So, for now she retains her B.

Annie has been inconsistent. ...

We thought she was going to claw her way out of the pit of despair we found her in after last season when she performed strongly at Teddy’s yacht party. She made some excellent strides by confronting Naomi and lying about her affair with Liam. Instead of taking that momentum and running with it, she has been slacking lately. It may have something to do with the new crowd – um, sorry, she has no friends – person she’s hanging with. He’s the nephew of the homeless man she killed on prom night last year and he’s playing her like a fiddle. When it comes to the weird nephew, Annie needs to make some decisions. Is he a nuisance (as evidenced by her annoyed demeanor when he approaches her at school) or her new BFF? She’ll improve her grades when she makes a choice. In the meantime, she should carry pepper spray. There’s something not right about him. C-

Liam isn’t living up to his potential. A few weeks ago, he feverishly looked through blueprints that promised some crazy plot. And nothing. Last week, he recorded some damning statements from Jen Clark that would finally clear his name with Naomi. And, again nothing. Sure, you can argue he’s trying to respect Naomi’s space and he’s busy writing stellar term papers that cause Mr. Matthews to get all mentor-y on him, but it’s “90210.” No one gets anywhere by being nice, and no one actually does homework! And, why did he erase the recording? Since it’s not possible to give him a “G,” Liam gets an F.

Dixon is on the honor roll? I know I’ve been hard on him, but Dixon is showing improvement. Maybe all it took was for Mr. Playa to get his game shut down. It seems appropriate that the person that did it was Sasha, an older woman. I cheered when she sat down next to Debbie in the mani/pedi chair and sussed out the truth on Dixon’s age. Finally! Then he came by with pizza and a sad speech. She shut the door in his face. Yes! Later at the Script's show, she denied him once again. Game over… or so I thought. I’m not sure what she was drinking at the bar, but I’ll call it crazy juice. Before I knew it, they were hooking up again. Illegal for Sasha but awesome for Dixon. A.

Naomi has turned her attention toward college. After Naomi’s counselor said that her actual grades and test scores would never get her into the mythical California University (which looks strangely similar to UCLA), she decided that she wouldn’t let a little thing like academics get in the way of her goals. To paraphrase Naomi, California University looks just like those East Coast schools, just with good weather and attractive people! So, of course she would fit right in. Naomi drew from the Clark Family’s talent for deception and began dating the dean of admissions’ son. With a plan to ingratiate herself with the dean and her freshly straightened hair, Naomi is firmly on her way to attending Cal U! A+.

Was I harsh or too forgiving? How would you grade the “90210” crew right now?

-- Jethro Nededog (follow me on Twitter @TheRealJethro)

Photo: Jessica Stroup as Silver on "90210." Credit: Michael Desmond / The CW