‘Melrose Place’: Sydney’s (stabbed in the) back!
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Oh, Sydney. Poor, manipulative, plotting, seducing Sydney. We thought you’d left us for good with that nasty little incident with the car. What a waste of a good wedding dress.
But this is ‘Melrose Place’ 2.0 -- and nothing is as it seems. You’re back, now perched up in the 4616 penthouse tower with everyone under your thumb. Or at least, you thought they were... You manage to get David, the neglected son of your former flame/brother-in-law Michael, to come over, but he doesn’t stay for a nightcap despite your best efforts. You and the residents are like “family,” you coax. What you have with him was real. You even try a gentle threat: Wouldn’t it be dreadful if the secrets he confided in you got out.
And what about the other renters you’ve offered a helping hand? Auggie, the sous chef you met in AA would rather stay in his fancy kitchen and make sure guests get their lobster than come to your aid. And Ella? You turned her from a Juicy-sweats-wearing, French-tip-polishing wannabe into the type of cutthroat publicist who could probably make your old neighbor Amanda cower, but she’s too busy networking with David’s dollar.
We don’t know if you had anything on Ella’s roommate Lauren -- yet -- but even the good doctor-in-training would rather spend a lonely night at a hospital than check to see if your eyes are dilated. Again. If only you’d stuck around long enough to find out she’s broke and needs a med school loan, stat.
And we think uber-romantic (not to mention highly unrealistic and super sugary) Riley and Jonah are too wrapped up in their perfect coupledom to get involved with your hijinks, even if school teacher Riley isn’t sure if she wants to marry a 25-year-old Seth Cohen-type when he proposes. But she doesn’t have to answer right away, what with new girl Violet’s scream heard ‘round the complex when she finds her new landlady has gone for a fatal swim.
Car: 0. Pool: 1.
After they cart your corpse away, Sydney? Not a single teardrop. In fact, everyone just goes on to work. Struggling filmmaker Jonah even manages to accidentally blackmail a movie mogul into buying his student film and letting him write a script. (Was that birthday toast really on the same video card as money bags making out with his daughter’s best friend?).
OK, maybe Violet loves you in a “Single White Female” kind of way. Or maybe she’s your ... daughter? She does have your flaming red hair. She can’t just be a kleptomaniac.
So whodunit? And why is Auggie burning a bloody chef’s uniform in an alley? (Red herring alert!) So far, they’re all playing it super cool, but let’s get real. This is ‘Melrose Place’; they can’t all be good actors.
Guesses below...
-- Whitney Friedlander
Top photo: Melrose Place cast: (l-r) Ashlee Simpson-Wentz as Violet, Colin Egglesfield as Auggie, Katie Cassidy as Ella, Laura Leighton as Sydney, Thomas Calabro as Dr. Michael Mancini, Stephanie Jacobsen as Lauren, Shaun Sipos as David, Jessica Lucas as Riley and Michael Rady as Jonah. Credit: Frank Ockenfels / The CW