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Weeds: Baby Botwin

July 20, 2009 |  9:34 pm

WEEDS_507_0224 They need to stop letting Andy name the episodes. A couple of weeks ago, we got "Van Nuys," named after Andy’s term “Going to Van Nuys,” which is what he calls getting an abortion. This week was "Where the Sidewalk Ends.” Now I’ll never be able to read that Shel Silverstein poem and book without knowing that’s how Andy refers to certain lady parts. Oh, well. At least I still have “A Light in the Attic.”

Last week, we went through the entire life cycle of Nancy and Esteban’s engagement. From his naked proposal to the angry Mexican woman bursting into the house and yelling in Spanish at Esteban until he cancels the wedding. I spent all week wondering who that woman was. Apparently, she had her own Wikipedia page the whole time. Nancy and Shane go down her list of accomplishments (with Shane decoding the nefarious meanings of each), but what’s important is that she controls Esteban’s political future. That and she may have teeth where the sidewalk ends. Though that has not been confirmed.

The mysterious Mexican woman (I wish I could refer to her by what Nancy calls her, but L.A. Times policy and public decency forbid it) takes a backseat in Nancy’s mind as she catches Cesar building a birthing room in Esteban’s house. Cesar explains that there will be “no need to ever leave.” If that wasn’t enough to weird Nancy out, the creepy score might have helped.

So, of course, Nancy takes the logical next step and calls Andy to come rescue her. They hop in the General Lee and take off. Well, it doesn’t quite go as smoothly as that. It’s not easy to get a pregnant woman in a car with the doors welded shut. Guess those Duke boys never had to deal with that situation.

Meanwhile, Silas has gathered his own collection of problems. His partners in the medical-marijuana dispensary seem to be doing their best to drive him crazy. Doug is eating the product, hitting on customers and firing employees. Deputy Jones takes the much simpler approach of just blackmailing Silas for an additional $10,000. The one person in the Botwin family trying to go completely legit, and he still can’t catch a break. Well, one break. Blitt. Good thing Silas hired him on staff.

Before I move on, there’s one thing I need to point out. Silas and Doug’s dispensary is a little unrealistic. Customers just walk in the front door and begin browsing the wares. Any dispensary around Los Angeles requires you to go through a series of barred doors and/or security guards before even seeing the interior. Um … not that I know from personal experience. I’m just saying that’s what I’ve heard. Yeah. Just what I’ve heard.

While all this is going on, Celia moves forward in her career in retail, though her time with You’re Pretty cosmetics seems to be as short as one of Nancy’s marriages (burn!). I was kinda hoping that Celia’s turn peddling makeup would work out a little better for her, but now she seems to be interested in Shane’s suggestion of selling drugs. What a pair that would be, Shane and Celia. Like a crazy '80s cop show.

In the end, Nancy manages to escape her fate of being killed and disposed of right after birth with the aid of Alanis Morissette. We’ll never know if that was really what Esteban and Cesar had planned, but they did not look happy when they came charging into the hospital. But however angry our Tijuana Mayor/Drug Kingpin was when he burst into that room, it all changed when he picked up his newborn son. And who can blame him? That’s one cute kid.

— Andrew Hanson

Photo: Showtime Television