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Recap: 'True Blood' Season 2, Episode 5

July 20, 2009 |  6:32 pm

True-Blood-Mary-Ann

Daphne is a shape shifter! She's a deer, a really cute doe-eyed deer that makes Sam's inner dog go into heat. Unfortunately, since she's got those huge scratches on her back, she's probably also a part of Mary Ann's collection of gifted doom sowers. Watch out, Sam.

Back in Dallas, Sookie catches up with Barry the telepathic bellboy. While Barry tells Sookie that Dallas vampires scare the life out of him, Jessica's recent snack wanders by all bitten and in a daze. They hear his thoughts and Sookie says that a glamoured human sounds like "fog and disco music." Wait, that's not a normal inner soundtrack? Um, not that that's what it sounds like in my head most of the time or anything.

Later, Sookie finds Barry preparing breakfast service and tries to persuade him to befriend her. She's never met another telepath. But he's too afraid of the vampires learning about his gift and using him for their own purposes. He hurries away.

Lucky Sookie and Bill, since they're in a "light-tight" vampire hotel they can actually sleep together in bed. "For the first time you don't have to leave me in bed at dawn," says Sookie. (I say that all the time too, but it rarely works.) More cuteness ensues when Jessica calls Hoyt long distance. He answers his phone with "You're talking to the man." Awww, it's funny 'cause he lives with his mom. But Jessica doesn't care, she says she misses him, and he offers to read to her from his comic book, "Space Tomb."

Meanwhile at Jesus camp, Jason is shaken awake for his first day of Soldiers of the Sun boot camp. "Rise and shine for God," says his captain. Training is grueling, with Jason and the Lukinator in intense competition. As usual Luke can't quite cut it, and he fails at scaling a fence. Jason helps him. Sarah swoons, you can practically hear her licking her lips. Which is probably why after Steve Newlin reveals his crazy-as-a-survivalist-on-speed underground arsenal of heavy-duty weaponry (rocket launchers, grenades, silver bullets, flame throwers and a guillotine, which is on order), she comes into the bathroom while Jason is soaking in the tub.

We've been waiting for this moment, and so has she. She locks the door and lovingly scrubs him with a green shower puff, saying, "Mary Magdalene washed the feet of Jesus and dried them with her hair. Isn't that lovely?" to which Jason, eyes like headlamps, replies, "Wasn't she like a hooker?"

"Let me reward you, let me help you find your way back to joy," continues Sarah before bestowing upon him a truly happy ending indeed.

A not-so-happy-ending is unfolding in crazy town, a.k.a. anywhere Mary Ann happens to be. After the insane cake-and-dirt-eating party where, as one reader delicately wrote in last week, Eggs and Tara made "deeply thrusting Tantric love," Tara wakes up to find Mary Ann in Sookie's kitchen surrounded by egregious amounts of fruit just like old times. She says the house she lived in with Tara was a client's house and now she, Eggs and Carl need to move in with Sookie and Tara. Tara is duly freaked out and says no, she's a guest in Sookie's house herself. She tells Eggs the same thing, and he points out that they took care of her and now she needs to do the same thing and act like family.

Mary Ann retaliates in classic mean-magic-girl style by sitting outside of Merlotte's and infusing anger into everyone's actions inside. Arlene and Daphne yell at Tara, Tara yells back, drinks get spilled, plates break. Tara breaks down, Mary Ann leaves. "We're done here," she says to Carl.

To add a touch of positivity to the proceedings, Lafayette reappears at Merlotte's, looking very healthy and gay, and asks for his job back. Sam berates him for not calling but knows in his heart that something happened to Lafayette, who simply isn't saying a word. Sam gives him his job back. Yes! 

When Tara comes home Mary Ann is sitting at the kitchen table, like the big bad wolf, literally dressed in what looks like Gran's dress. I swear Gran's special sweet-little-old-lady soundtrack was actually playing in the background. She says she plans to leave the following day. "Don't go," says Tara, who suddenly seems like she could use some family love. Too bad this family eats its young.

In Dallas, Sookie and Bill meet with Eric and two of Godric's assistants in his swank apartment of a lair. They argue about what happened to Godric and how. Sookie offers to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun church and find out what they're up to. Bill doesn't want her to take the risk, but Eric is "strangely intense" about Godric. Why?

Flash back to 1,000 years ago. Eric is Viking warrior, with a nifty loincloth and a crude shield. He's also about to die and his two warrior friends are at a loss trying to save their leader in the wild. They don't have much of a chance themselves as Godric swipes through them like a knife through butter and crouches above Eric. He's a little impish boy with a silly bloody chin! He looks kind of like a cuddly baby Nosferatu with hair and chubby cheeks. Oh, and look at those adorable fangs as he bites into Eric's neck. Godric is Eric's maker! I can be your "father, brother, child," says Godric to Eric. Could he also be more?

Things wrap up with Sookie learning that Barry has quit and she and Bill making love while a wicked woman walks down the hotel hallway looking incredibly hot and fangy. Who do we have here?

Roll credits.

-- Jessica Gelt

Photo: HBO

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