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Harper’s Island: “The one that betrays you will be your savior.”

May 2, 2009 | 10:19 pm

97509_D0071b Does it really count as a kill when the victim shoots himself? Seriously? This week’s victim died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. For the last three weeks, I’ve just assumed that each person who died was killed by the killer. This spawns so many new questions. Is it possible that Cousin Ben tied himself to the bottom of the boat? And if the victim doesn’t necessarily have to be a victim, does that mean next week will we lose one of the 25 from natural causes?

This week we lost Joel Booth, aka “The Nerd.” I’m not sure how he could have been killed by a bullet. I kept expecting him to pull off his glasses and fly off to battle Brainiac. You can’t just slap a pair of horn rims on a buff Canadianand call him a nerd. Though Sean Rogerson might have acted well the part of a nerd, I’m afraid that he might just have been too attractive for the role. I’m sorry that I had to be the one to break it to Sean, but this is Hollywood. Better get used to it.

Which reminds me of another thing I caught in Bang. Abby can’t get a ride home from LAX? While she’s telling Jimmy about how lonely Los Angeles can be, one of her examples is riding the shuttle home from the airport. She’s lived here for seven years and doesn’t know someone who can pick her up after her Southwest flight? I know that driving someone home from an airport in Los Angeles is the biggest favor you can ask besides “Will you read my screenplay?” but most people will agree to do it because they know someday they, too, will need a ride home from the airport.

Tonight’s episode Bang splits easily into two pieces. The first piece being the bachelor party finding the remains of Hunter, the headless texting vampire, and stealing his money. Have they never watched a Cohen brothers movie? Taking off with a bag full of money is never a good idea, especially if there’s a gun in the bag as well. You know that as soon as they figure out how much each person’s cut would be, that gun is going to kill one of them. It’s simple math.

The other half is the messed up Wellington Clan. Henry might want to take a moment and consider what he’s about to marry into. We already know that Trish’s father was paying an ex-boyfriend to break up her wedding. Plus, the creepy niece who automatically thinks the Tarot Tower card means someone is going to die. Watching the two of them play Go Fish is like watching Charles Manson and Jeffery Dahmer thumb wrestle.

Then there’s Katherine Wellington (“the Stepmother”) and Richard Allen (“the Brother-in-Law”) and their torrid affair, which came as a complete shock to me. I know they revealed it last week, but I thought it was his wife at first. Neither character had enough screen time beforehand for me to realize who was who. The fortune-telling lady predicted that Trish’s betrayer would become her savior, but wouldn’t Richard be his wife’s betrayer? Or his father-in-law’s betrayer? Trish is kinda far down on the betrayed list on that one. Though for a second when she was stuck in the pool, I thought of how cool it would be for them to kill her this early. No such luck. Darn.

Harper’s Island ventured into a bunch of different directions tonight. So far, they’ve played a pretty straight thriller/suspense tone, but Bang brought in a lot more supernatural elements. Madison did her best “the Others” impression sitting on the hardwood floor as Abby sneaked behind her. Though part of me wonders if Madison isn’t just a little sociopath, using the whole “spirits” bit to terrorize people as she smashes plates and runs amok.

The spirits were also invoked by the bachelorette party fortune-telling lady, who not only gave Trish the message about her betrayer/savior but also freaked out while touching Abby’s necklace and told her “he wants you dead.” What a wonderful addition to the festivities. I wonderif I can book her for my niece’s 10th birthday.

Harper’s Island also got to squeeze in a reference to their online little brother, Harper’s Globe. If you liked the newspaper girl and wanted to see more of her, you should stop over here.

So we add Joel Booth to the list of the departed. Who’s your money on for next week? I think I’m going to shy away from my regular pick of Beth the Bridesmaid and say it’ll be Shane the local psycho.

--Andrew Hanson

Photo: CBS Television