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'Dancing With the Stars': No one goes home

October 7, 2008 | 10:47 pm

Normally, I sort of dread the results show of “DWTS” –- I strongly prefer the action of the competition show to the filler of the results show. But, wow, after watching that presidential debate, I was as eager for the results show as I normally am for the arrival of my Us Weekly. (When there’s real gossip, that is. Not when it’s one of their “Diets of the stars!” issues.) I found the first presidential debate and lone vice-presidential debate engrossing, so I’m not sure why I was so bored with this one, but there you have it.

We all wanted to find out what would happen tonight since Misty May-Treanor became the first contestant in seven seasons to have to withdraw due to injury. The answer was that no one is going home this week, but we found out who would have gone home if Misty hadn't pulled out: Rocco DiSpirito and Karina. Everyone's scores from this week will be added to their scores next week, and that will determine who goes home then. And, yes, you heard me right: Cloris Leachman and Corky did not have the lowest combined judges'/viewers' scores. In their post-salvation interview with co-host Samantha Harris, Cloris veered off on some tangent about blue-eyed people vs. brown-eyed people, but, luckily, it did not devolve into eugenics.

Susanlucci In tonight's filler, Maks performed the jive that he and Misty would have done, with Edyta standing in for Misty. Would Misty have worn the naughty-schoolgirl outfit that Edyta donned? The jive was super-high-energy and very fun, and it’s too bad that it was so injurious. Kool and the Gang performed a medley of their hit songs -– “Jungle Boogie,” “Ladies’ Night,” and “Celebration" -- and I mean they only performed the most well-known lines of each. It was an entire wedding reception condensed into a couple of minutes.

We also learned that the stars apply skills from their normal lives to their dancing. There wasn't much here that was illuminating, though Rocco deserved to be booted just for bringing up cooking analogies again. Several professional choreographers were interviewed about the professional dancers and the choreography on "DWTS," and they enumerated several challenges that the pros must face: it's hard to make beginners look good; it's difficult matching the performances to the stars' personalities; it's restrictive dealing with the rules of ballroom; you must spend hours coaching/counseling/soothing amateurs. They listed some of their favorite pros: Julianne, Derek, Tony, Kym, Cheryl, Corky, Lacey, Karina and Alec. Hey, that’s all of them!

Jennifer Hudson sang a single from her new album, and it featured backup singers. I found it charming. Now, Derek and Julianne danced to the song, and while I know they’re both professional dancers I found it a bit unsettling that Julianne was wearing so little while dancing with her brother. I would have felt the same way if Derek had turned up in hot pants and a half-shirt, but he was more demurely clad.

The Rockettes performed, and I’m glad I got to see this, since now I have no need to go do it in person. I think I prefer synchronized swimming. I did like the Rockettes' Art Deco-style costumes, however. It’s appropriate that they’re celebrating their 80th anniversary, now that we’re approaching the 80th anniversary of the start of the Great Depression as well.

There was a segment on how this has been the most accident-prone season, at least as measured by ambulance trips. Dancing is physically demanding, the pros tells us; it’s a full-contact sport. I had no doubts about that, personally –- it looks incredibly athletic and perilous to me. I bet I could get a concussion, break my femur and rip my Achilles tendon all in one catastrophic move. Beat that, Misty.

The night ended on a somber note. I suppose this was meant to convey that although everyone was saved, no one was celebrating.

-- Sarah Rogers

(Photo courtesy ABC)