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'The Hills': Beware Don Conrad

September 23, 2008 |  7:24 am

Lc_2Even when she's gone, the wrath of Conrad is felt.

With Lauren away in Italy for a few days, her friends and enemies bided their camera time plotting and whispering behind her back, afraid of how they may or may not be offending "The Hills" star.

LC might as well stand for Lauren Corleone for all the power she now wields.

Oh, she'll take you in, make you her friend, invite you to share in the glow of her MTV fame, but one day she'll need a favor (like, say, breaking off contact with all of the many people who piss her off). And if you cross her...well, you've read all about Audrina moving out by now.

The way she glared when Audrina told her she had hung out with LC's sworn enemies Heidi and Spencer, the way her steely eyes turned cold at the end of the episode (pictured above), after Brody had confirmed all the "back stabbing" that went on while she was away. (The quote marks are there because if memory serves, Lauren dumped Doug. Where I come from, that makes him fair game, if not also sloppy seconds.)

You can't even have her cast-offs.

That said, Stephanie should have been more scared. Just consider all the warnings she received. Audrina cautioned against accepting Doug's invitation. "I don't know. I would just be careful," she said. Spencer laughed when he heard the news. "LC's gonna freak out," he told his sister. "Are you worried that LC's gonna clip you from her little posse? I would be if I were you."

Simple Doug was the only one dense enough not to be fazed by the threat of Lauren. During dinner when Stephanie asked if it was weird that he dated Lauren, he replied, "No. What are you doing after this?" Ahhh, the blessing of a one-track mind. (Little did he know that Mama Brody would rat him and his secret dinner date out.)

Lauren's got eyes everywhere, too. Lo looked absolutely horrified when Heidi and Audrina reunited (for what seemed like the twentieth time) at Goa, and reported all to Lauren the moment she arrived back from her trip. Brody, who we must never forget once cheated on Lauren with Jen Bunney, meanwhile, was quick to point out Steph's betrayal: "Guys will be guys," he said in defense of Doug. "But Steph's supposed to be one of your best friends."

(Even David Boreanaz was talked down by Lauren when the two presented an award during Sunday's Emmy telecast.)

Personally, I'm nervous for Stephanie. Can't you just see LC next week, giving her the kiss of death? ("I know it was you Steph. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!") And then we never see her again...

-- Denise Martin

Photo credit: MTV