‘Top Chef’: The relay race and the red herring

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Two things to talk about from last night’s ‘Wedding Wars’ episode: The Quickfire relay race and one really, really bad red herring.

Last season’s mise en place relay race is one of my favorite ‘Top Chef’ challenges to watch. (Mise en place refers to all the prep a cook needs to do before restaurant service.) As someone who just finished culinary school, I’m always amazed by precision -- that fine dice of perfect 1/4-inch carrot cubes on your plate? Not easy (or fun) to do by hand -- and speed. Even more entertaining is discovering what these experienced chefs do and don’t know when it comes to basic technique.

It was painful to watch Season 3’s Casey take her dull chef’s knife -- a no-no for anyone who’s ever worked in a professional kitchen -- and hack away at her onions while her competitor Sara M. whizzed through them. On the flip side, watching oysters shucked at break-neck speed and Hung’s mad chicken-chopping skills was awe-inspiring.

So when chef Tom showed up as the Quickfire guest judge in Wednesday night’s episode, I was psyched. (The word ‘craft’ is in the name of all his restaurants, so you know he’s serious about good technique.)

This year’s tasks? Supreme five oranges (cut out sections of orange absent of any pith), peel and turn two artichokes, break down a monkfish and make mayo.

Supremes? Artichokes? No problem. Not difficult, just a little time-consuming.

Fabricating a monkfish on the other hand has to the toughest challenge they’ve posed in the relay. It wasn’t long ago that I spent most of my mornings taking apart those ugly -- but oh so tasty -- suckers, otherwise known as ‘the poor man’s lobster.’ Richard was spot-on when he said that you could spend hours getting those filets clean, shaving off layer after layer of skin. And, of course, the season’s strongest players, Richard and Dale, were up for the challenge. (I wanted to smack Lisa when she dogged Dale for his less-than-perfect filets. Somehow, I doubt she could have done it better.) It’s the sign of a seasoned pro to be able to break down large animals into edible portions.

Then there was the mayo. Andrew already copped to not knowing the recipe or how to make it in the first episode. Strange, because it’s a pretty simple process, and one used to make a variety of other sauces, like hollandaise. For mayo, you whip egg yolks and slowly stream in oil while you whisk. The hard part is streaming in that oil slowly and steadily -- do it too fast and you’ll ‘break’ the mayo and it won’t thicken. Props to Dale for calling out the chefs who were scared to try: ‘Why are you still here?’ he asked incredulously. In the end, Nikki’s arms gave out before Stephanie’s, and her team lost.

On to the red herring, Dale.

Four words about that: Give. Me. A. Break.

Sure, last season’s Trey was super-talented and was favored to win, and he was ousted before making the top four. But that salmon dish he concocted was universally hated by the judges. Dale was given plenty of camera time at the top of the episode, bitching about losing the Quickfire, complaining about his teammates for the elimination challenge. In reality TV, that’s a tell-tale sign that someone’s about to go.

But it was evident early on that he wasn’t going to go. He picked up the bulk of the work for the wedding challenge, and he did it quietly (that is, until his team was up on the chopping block) while his colleagues prepped their excuses for the judges’ table. His cocky persona might not be for everyone, but he has yet to whine about the limits of a challenge. Even when they mean staying up all night to cook a feast for 125 people.

On the contrary, he’s game for anything the same way Richard is. If either of them is not in the final four, then it means disaster struck along the way.

In fact, Dale’s only beef -- pun intended -- this season has been with his competitors. And usually his criticisms are legitimate. He is, after all, used to working in a high-end kitchen with competent folks.

In the end, Nikki (finally) got the boot, as we always knew she would. How long could a person coast after having made only one dish -- the first episode’s lasagna -- that worked? I think she was actually relieved. I’ve never seen anyone look as tired week after week on the show.

Now I’m just waiting for Lisa and her scowling face to be sent home so the real competition can get started.

--Denise Martin