‘Dancing With the Stars’: Priscilla Presley’s goodbye

This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.

You know, I give Tom Bergeron credit: He handles live television well. In the Week Five results show, there was a moment when the teleprompter operator inadvertently (or perhaps maliciously) skipped ahead, and Tom handled the situation well, correcting the situation, heckling the teleprompter operator and jovially reminding us of the foul-up later in the show. Why, the error became a motif, and “Dancing With the Stars” took on a narrative feel and approached art status. So what if I’m grasping at straws?

Try as they might, fans, those involved couldn’t really get much drama going this week. Priscilla Presley was eliminated, as we all anticipated, and we won’t have her disturbing face to kick around (to no effect) any longer. Also, she wants you to know that she doesn’t really have a psychic hotline. Apparently, some of the viewers didn’t get that the April 1 episode had some gags in it, and they’ve been trying to get a hold of her psychic hotline. Really, America, pull it together! Or maybe your calls were part of a larger meta-gag, in which case, I applaud you.

Cristián de la Fuente and Cheryl were the other couple consigned to the Red Light of Disgrace this week, and I again use my powers of inference to speculate that this means they don’t have a solid fan following. They’d better knock it out of the park next week if they want to stick around. While we’re on the topic of couples being “saved” or dropped into the Red Light of Naked Shame, what’s up with the whole “in no particular order” disclaimer that Tom and Samantha Harris always say before they do the reveal? It is pretty clear that there is an order, at least in the sense that they’re not going to leave someone who’s obviously a leader in limbo for too long. Maybe this is something the lawyers made them put in.

It’s interesting to see how the stars who are in limbo longest handle the anxiety. Do they cast their eyes downward like Shannon Elizabeth, or gaze steely-eyed at the hosts like Marlee Matlin, or appear to be battling gastrointestinal distress like Cristián? If I do say so myself, this is a nice segue to one of the bits of filler this week: How do the stars handle their nerves on performance day? We see a montage of tactics –- Marissa Jaret Winokur spazzes out; Kristi draws on her Olympic experience; Mario displays his abs. Oddly, they didn’t show anybody throwing back a bracing shot of whiskey, but I bet they’re all doing it.

There were more dancing kids this week: Dmitriy and Michelle, both 10 years old, competed against Jaryd, 10, and Cara, 8. I admit that I really wanted Jaryd and Cara to win because they were just so little! And they did win, though the judges didn’t cite their diminutive stature as a deciding factor. Dmitriy and Michelle danced a jive that I thought was, frankly, better than the jives performed by the stars a few weeks ago, and Jaryd and Cara performed a very lively (and teeny!) cha cha cha. For the record, Len did subtly chastise Dmitriy and Michelle for some of the gymnastics they performed -– he likened them to Edyta. Anyway, Jaryd and Cara will be back to compete against the other kids later in the season, and I for one hope that they don’t hit puberty before then. Dmitriy and Michelle handled their defeat with composure.

The musical performers were Ozomatli and James Blunt. Ozomatli had pretty much every pro dancing to their song, which must be nice for the pros whose stars got eliminated early. A couple of World Champions performed during James Blunt’s song, and the main takeaway from that was that the female partner was very, very light –- so light, in fact, that the male partner lifted, spun, and/or flung her for the majority of the performance. He even lifted her with one hand, and he wasn’t on steroids as far as I could tell.

Priscilla’s departing message was that “DWTS” has been life-changing for her. And don’t try to call her psychic hotline.

Any predictions for next week?

-- Sarah Rogers

(Photo courtesy ABC)