‘Project Runway’: And they’re ‘auf’

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For the most part, I can’t relate to reality TV. I don’t care about rose ceremonies. I don’t need to watch children rebuilding society. I won’t root for anyone as she/he eats scorpions or bikes across Idaho in four days. As “Project Runway” judge Nina Garcia would say with a droll flip of her caramel hair, “Haven’t we seen this before?”

But if a stranger tries to make a dress out of three yards of fabric in less than 24 hours, I am riveted. Supermodel Heidi Klum’s “Project Runway,” in its fourth season, is the best reality show on TV. Why? Because the contestants have some modicum of talent. Because the program could actually affect their careers 20 years down the line. And, best of all, it allows me and many others to indulge our favorite fantasy career, which I abandon semi-annually when I relearn the hard way that I have no aptitude for sewing anything beyond a button.

This year’s crop of designers, as coiffure-ly creative as ever, reminds me of many Runway flunkies and heroes of the past. A wee comparison guide:

Rami = Santino (Season Two)
Rami made the episode’s winning dress –- feminine, smoky and edgy –- that Santino was trying to make throughout Season Two. The only difference is that Santino would’ve add some shredded stuff into the mix. I liked Rami’s dress and I think it deserved the win, but Santino’s touch of anarchy would’ve helped. Michael Kors was right: That rosette was so mother of the bride.

Kit Pistol = Jeffrey + Alison (Season Three)
If Jeffrey and Alison had a lovechild, she would be Kit Pistol, who’s part Cyndi Lauper, part Vivienne Westwood and all L.A. punk. She’s the perfect meld of Jeffrey’s hard-rock kinetics and Alison’s shimmering, modern take on Catherine Deneuve circa “Belle de Jour.” That said, I hope she’s more Alison in personality. Jeffrey was one of the most cowardly, conniving, mean-spirited players in the history of ‘Project Runway.’ Just sayin’.

Elisa = Angela (Season Three)

Oh no! It’s the return of the kooky rosette girl Angela but Elisa goes way beyond crafty stuff and into full-on “this dress will represent water and air and earth” Julie Taymor territory. Um, that’s cool but she better make a dress that her model can walk in next time. And the audacity of that little self-satisfied catnap!

Chris = Jay + Austin (Season One)
Chris, with his Rococo-meets-Tiki style, is the perfect blend of vintage-store vultures Jay and Austin. But this could go either way for him – he could elevate the look, as Jay did with his brilliant Season One winning collection, or he could get mired in costumes and receive the feared double-kiss from Heidi, a la Austin.

And finally, a note to Simone: I loved the canary yellow with the muted pink but I saw the shears coming for you from a mile away. Your dress was too mild and genteel and if there’s anything the ‘Runway’ judges like to see, it’s bold and brave, even if disastrous.

Speaking of which, I have no doubt that this season will be delivering many a spectacular disaster. Did you see the rest-of-the-season preview after the show? Multiple designers crying? That’s one thing on ‘Top Model’ but ‘Project Runway’?? I can’t wait.

-- Margaret Wappler

(Photos: Bravo)