Kimmie Meissner: You’re asking me ... what?

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Editor’s note: Kimmie Meissner, winner of the 2006 World Figure Skating Championships, is the Fab Forum’s featured guest blogger today in conjunction with the 2009 world competition, taking place this week at Staples Center. She weighed in on Tuesday by recalling the moment of that 2006 victory.

As the competition begins in L.A., there will be many questions and media coverage. While I sit home wishing I was there, I started to think of all the obvious, silly questions I have been asked. So, I decided to blog about them.

So, are you going to the Olympics?

I have been asked this question since I began skating at the age of 6. Of course everyone wants to go to the Olympics! What kind of question is that?! Do we know if we are going? It’s called qualifying people. Would you ask a 6- year-old football player if they are going to the Super Bowl? More recently I’ve been asked how Beijing was. That was the summer Olympics. Figure skating is a winter sport, there is ice involved, which qualifies it for the winter games.

Is the ice slippery?

Ha ha, what? Did you really just ask that?

Do you fall? Does it hurt when you fall?

Do you really want to see the hematomas on the side of my hip? Try launching yourself a couple feet off the ground, rotating a couple times in the air and then trying to land on a 3/4-inch piece of steel on one foot, on a surface that is very, very slippery, that would be the ice. Ouch!

Do you like to skate?

As innocent as this question may seem, do you really believe that I would have spent the last 13 years of my life practicing at a cold, dark, mold-filled, Zamboni-fumed ice rink on a daily basis,

living off of rabbit food and water, as my nonexistent social life flourishes? Of course I love it! Who wouldn’t? Lol

Describe in detail how exactly your body has changed.

WOW. Never ever, ever -- did I say ever? -- ask a girl this question.

Is so and so gay?

Don’t ever ask about my friends’ sexual orientation ... and this has to do with skating how?

After it is all said and done, the results are in, and the press is huddled around the skater(s) as they walk away from the kiss and cry, some will be joyful and some will be tearful. There is a reason why they call it the kiss and cry. You can hear these questions being asked:

-- To the champion -- ‘Are you happy?’ Of course they are happy! They are ecstatic and the thrill of victory probably hasn’t even sunk in yet.

-- After a disastrous skate, do NOT ask the skater what went wrong. If they knew what went wrong, they probably would not have done it. Also don’t ask them how they feel. How do you think they feel?

-- When are you gonna hang up your skates? When are you hanging up your pen?

Now, if the United States Olympic Committee officials are standing nearby, don’t ask the skaters how they feel about the new judging system. It’s not new anymore!

Phew! Wow, now that I have gotten all this off my chest, I think it is time to end my blog post.

Zamboni fumes here I come!

Disclaimer: These are all real questions, from real people. No one was harmed in the creation of this blog post. Now, for those of you who asked these questions, you know who you are. I won’t name names, PH ...

-- Kimmie Meissner