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Epiphone Revolver Golden Gods Awards to crush Club Nokia on April 7

March 9, 2009 |  4:41 pm

Trophy350 If a band makes an album and it isn’t awarded, did it really exist? Only if it gets cranked to 11.

Joining the legions of pop, country, hip-hop and jazz award shows parading the music industry landscape, Epiphone and headbanger rag Revolver will present the country’s first hard rock and heavy metal music award show, the Golden Gods Awards, at Club Nokia on April 7. The three-hour ceremony headlined by temple-of-thrash builders Megadeth will be culled down to one hour for an MTV2 special airing May 2.

By the way, a scrap of a category at the Grammys (there are several rock categories but only one is exclusively metal for performance) hardly counts to the devil-horn-slinging community. As Revolver Editor in Chief Tom Beaujour said, “We’re still making up for the Jethro Tull thing.” Oh, how those flute-inflicted wounds sting.

The Golden Gods Awards has enjoyed a rich tradition in England, where hard rock festivals such as Download proliferate like so many spells in Magic: The Gathering. Presented by Revolver’s sister publication, Metal Hammer, England’s version has been going strong for eight years but the U.S. has lagged behind. Why? Logistics, Beaujour said, which sounds suspiciously like a wimpy indie rocker excuse, not one of ax players who wield string-skipping arpeggios.

No matter what the delay, the Epiphone Revolver Golden Gods Awards sound like they will send an amp-wall blast of fresh air into the bloated proceedings of most award shows. The festivities will kick off with a skit, featuring Maynard James Keenan of Tool and Puscifer, Scott Ian from Anthrax, Ronnie James Dio from Black Sabbath, and others. Host Brian Posehn from “The Sarah Silverman Program” can be counted on to make a fine Slayer crack. Categories include Most Awesomely Good Drummer, Hottest Chick in Metal (an idea lifted, of course, from one of Revolver’s best-selling issues) and something involving killing unicorns. Seriously. But we’ll let you watch the show to learn more about that.

Other brilliant touches include a black carpet instead of industry-standard red and the actual awards, pictured above. The miniaturized monuments beloved by Spinal Tap will be weighed down with extra slag, Beaujour proudly reported.

Self-teasing aside, the Golden Gods ceremony will also deliver the goods. In addition to Megadeth, performances will include Killswitch Engage, Hatebreed, All That Remains and Suicide Silence, all playing healthy sets of three to four songs. The show will sell general admission tickets for $35 in hopes of filling the floor with genuine headbangers.

"It's all about the spirit of fun, the authenticity of it," Beaujour said. "I think most metal people will be into the bombast and grandiosity."

Rainbow afterwards?

--Margaret Wappler

Epiphone Revolver Golden Gods Awards at Club Nokia on April 7. Tickets $35-$75, on sale now.