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Preview Review: ‘The Twilight Saga: Eclipse’ gives us ... more of the same

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A mere 24 hours ago, eager Twi-hards were given a scant 10 second look at the upcoming installment of the popular franchise, ‘The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.’ This morning, Summit released the full trailer for the movie, which poses the serious question: Should Bella (played of course by Kristen Stewart) make the ultimate sacrifice and become a vampire for her one true love, Edward (Robert Pattinson)?

One of our main issues with the trailer is that if you’re not already a big fan of the franchise, it’s really hard to decipher what’s going on. (You’d pretty much have to Google the back story to understand what all the tortured conflict is about.) So, we’re not sure whether the trailer will be successful in luring non-’Twilight’ fans into theaters -- not that they’re needed to turn this into a mega-hit.

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But on to the trailer. The footage begins with a sweeping view of the forests of Washington state, where Edward and Bella are embracing in a flower-filled field.

‘I promise to love you every moment of forever,’ Edward tells Bella slowly, deliberately, earnestly.

But the lovers can’t get too comfortable: The law-enforcing Volturi vampires, walking in slow-motion and donning hooded capes, are right on their tail. ‘She’s still human,’ says pack leader Jane (Dakota Fanning) of Bella. ‘The Volturi don’t give second chances,’ she goes on to tell a frightened looking Bella and Edward (the latter of whom has especially creepy-green vampire eyes).

Lying in bed, Bella asks Edward why he’s ‘so against’ her becoming a vampire. ‘I know the consequences of the choice you’re making,’ he replies. Those repercussions include the death of her mother and father, whom Bella is shown embracing as Edward’s voice-over says that ‘after a few decades, everyone you know will be dead.’ Bella’s going to let her parents die to be with Edward? Seriously??!?

To add just a bit more dramatic tension to the whole affair, here comes Jacob (Taylor Lautner), wearing a tight black muscle tee, who tells Bella while holding her hands sincerely that unlike with Edward, she wouldn’t have to change for him.

‘I’m in love with you, and I want you to pick me instead of him,’ he says, as the orchestral score ramps up. (Has this guy really been anointed the next great actor by Hollywood development executives? All of his dialogue is delivered with such serious undertones, spoken at a turtle’s pace and interspersed with breathy pauses.)

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Next, a woman suddenly comes flying through the forest. It’s Rachelle Lefevre -- we mean Bryce Dallas Howard -- playing evil vampire Victoria.

‘Edward,’ Bella says, ‘she found us.’

Don’t worry, Bella, Edward will protect you. No! Matter! What! And Jacob is going to fight for her until ‘her heart stops beating.’ These guys obviously have a thing for pouty chicks -- even if we continue to be mystified, as we were with the first two films, as to why filmgoers see this as anything less than ridiculously cheesy.

-- Amy Kaufman

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