PREACH IT! Prince declares Internet ‘completely over,’ Web somehow continues to function

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Speaking unto the people the other day, Prince announced that the Internet is “completely over,” indicating that the time has come for his loyal subjects to return to the era of the hard copy.

Prince has a new album coming out, see, but don’t look for it on iTunes or such. If the people want to hear Prince’s word delivered unto them, they must venture forth from their huts and villages and pick up a CD. (Fans might be able to find the album online and have it shipped -- U.S. distribution is still being worked out -- but then again, that would involve the Internet. So if you go that route, fine, but expect to be banned from Paisley Park forever.)

“The Internet’s like MTV,” the 52-year-old legend told the UK’s Daily Mirror. “At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.”

The name of Prince’s new album? “20TEN.” We’ll give you a second to process that one. Also: No word on whether Prince sees a CD player as a “digital gadget.”

“I just think it’s a year that really matters,” Prince said about his new album title. “These are very trying times. People, especially young people, don’t have enough God in their lives.”

As for exactly why the Internet is “over?” Well, because no one on the Net will get with the Prince business model, that’s why.

“I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it.”

-- Leslie Gornstein

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