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PREACH IT! Still feeling sorry for Lindsay Lohan? Knock it off already

July 13, 2010 |  4:34 pm

Yep, Lindsay Lohan is sad, all right. First she got in trouble for her DUI-slash-probation-violation. (Well, no, first Lindsay had to grow up with Dina and Michael Lohan, but we have to start somewhere.) Then she ran up against a judge who was not amused by Lohan’s version of reality. Then Lohan had to wear that ugly ankle bracelet around, and her lawyer stone-cold stepped, and now the actress has to go to jail. And she can’t go to jail! She just can’t, is all! Says her mom, that’s who!

But if you’re familiar with the intricacies of celebrity jailhouse math -- and we are -- you know that Lohan may not be in as much dire peril as originally feared. Judge Marsha Revel has handed down a 90-day jail sentence for Lohan. But according to our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics -- and a book penned by, why, yes, me! -- don’t be shocked if Lohan actually spends much less time in the slammer. And yes, we mean even less time than an ordinary person would spend with time off for good behavior.

Behold, our jailhouse math: A nonfamous convict sent to a Los Angeles County jail generally serves ...

... roughly 10% of his or her sentence; you may thank overcrowding for that. However, recent field studies published in "The A-List Playbook" indicate that celebrities have it even easier.

By way of example: Nicole Richie. She was once sentenced to four days in the hoosegow stemming from DUI-related drama. That’s 96 hours. Ten percent of 96 is 9.6 hours, or 576 minutes. Richie stayed in jail for all of 86 minutes.

By way of another example: An earlier iteration of Lindsay Lohan herself. She was once sentenced to 24 hours for DUI-related charges. Ten percent of that: 2.4 hours. The reality: 84 minutes.

Precisely how much time will Lohan do this time around? Could it be the whole darned thing? Maybe we should start a betting pool. Or maybe you just tell us what your guess is, in the comments section below.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Lindsay Lohan in court on July 6. Credit: David McNew / EPA / Pool.

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

Stephanie Pratt on Lindsay Lohan, the end of 'The Hills'

Report: Lindsay Lohan's lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley calls it quits

Lindsay Lohan's middle finger tells the judge what she really thinks [poll]