Ooh, that smell -- it’s Bruce Willis and Orlando Bloom?

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Bruce Willis and Orlando Bloom, swashbuckling stars of films both action-y and adventure-y, are charging off in the direction of smelly, albeit not flowery, with a new cologne for Willis and a new Hugo Boss Orange cologne campaign for Bloom.

Willis’ eponymous scent ‘features notes of grapefruit, pepper and vetiver,’ People StyleWatch says. Bloom is drawn to Hugo Boss Orange, he tells the same outlet, because it has ‘a laid back, spontaneous quality I relate to.’

Now, we can actually understand the logic behind wanting to smell like Old Spice guy Isaiah Mustafa, ‘the man your man could smell like,’ even if Hugo Boss Orange and eau de Bruce Willis -- which might be a direct-sales product -- are not likely to be found near the Old Spice in the aisles of Target et al. And we can understand maybe wanting to smell like Bruce Willis, who’s clean shaven and has a charming habit of kissing other people on the head while pictures are being taken. But -- Mustafa and Willis usually look as if they’ve bathed recently.

The other one? Not so much. Though Miranda Kerr, apparently, is OK with that.

Isn’t there some country out there that’s known for doing with cologne what you can’t do with nice, soapy, abundant running water? I don’t think it’s this one -- but 1,000 pardons if we’re being too provincial.

-- Christie D’Zurilla

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are engaged [poll]

Isaiah Mustafa says he’s ‘a wolf pack kind of guy,’ as his new Old Spice ad eclipses the old

Old Spice star Isaiah Mustafa signs a talent deal with NBC

Akon checks out L.A. real estate near Bruce Willis, Larry King