PREACH IT! Tiger Woods finds the perfect guy to engineer his comeback: Ari Fleischer
This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.
So it looks as if Tiger Woods is ready for his comeback after all. And the man entrusted with making it all run smoothly? Ari Fleischer, former mouthpiece for President George W. Bush.
According to the New York Post, Woods has hired Fleischer’s PR firm to handle his return to golf. Terrific! Between Tiger’s gangbusters speech at the Sawgrass and Fleischer’s spotless record with reporters, this promises to be the most successful media blitz in decades! Let’s take a look at the perks ...
To start, Fleischer has a terrific rapport with the media. He was, after all, the guy who coined the phrase “homicide bombing’ in 2002, at a time when sillier people were busy calling such attacks “suicide bombings.” The new phrase was later championed by two whole media outlets: Fox News and the New York Post!
Fleischer is a consummate showman as well. He insisted that Saddam Hussein was the guy behind the 9/11 attacks; given that Tiger is also charged with putting on a terrific performance on the links, this fit is a natural, don’t you think?
Lastly, Fleischer believes very strongly that information should be free, having had a role in the leaking of Valerie Plame’s identity as part of L’Affaire Gateau Jaune. It’s that kind of openness that Woods needs in making his big media comeback.
Still, something is missing. Tiger now has the greatest PR guy in the world, but he still needs some sort of slogan, a catch phrase, something to sum up his forthcoming triumph.
Hey! I know! How about “Mission Accomplished”?
-- Leslie Gornstein
Upper photos: Ari Fleischer answers questions July 2002, back in his days as White House press secretary. Credit: Larry Downing / Reuters
Lower photo: Tiger Woods speaks without the benefit of his own press secretary at the TPC Sawgrass Country Club Feb. 19, 2010. Credit: Joe Skipper / EPA
More Leslie Gornstein goodness from the Ministry of Gossip archives:
PREACH IT! Right, right. Because Howard Stern is the most beautiful man alive? PREACH IT! Miley Cyrus is so completely deeper than all of you
PREACH IT! Through the Oscar hypefest, Sandra Bullock keeps it real [quiz]
For even more Preach It!, click here and scroll down. Want the headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Facebook and Twitter (we’re @LATcelebs). Become a fan at facebook.com/ministryofgossip.