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Jesse James buys himself some time -- er, goes to rehab

March 31, 2010 | 10:01 am

James thumbs up Yeesh, Jesse James, doesn't anyone just go to couples counseling anymore? Of course, "couples counseling" assumes that the other half of the couple wants anything to do with your sudden, possibly scandal-driven -- dare we say predictable -- desire for self-improvement. 

Surprise! James has checked himself into rehab in Arizona, TMZ reports, having gone there to save his marriage. Or that's how he described his mission to a CHP officer, TMZ says, when he was pulled over on his way to Arizona on Friday in a big old hurry.

Sierra Tucson specializes in treatment for drug, alcohol and sex addiction. Anyone want to spin that big wheel, or shall we simply make an informed guess? (Now that an unnamed member of the medical facility staff has confirmed James' presence there to TMZ, let's hope Mr. "Monster Garage" doesn't pull a Brooke Mueller and start swapping out rehabs in search of more privacy.)

It's just one more step along James' Tiger Lite path -- dude, you're supposed to sneak off and make it a big mystery, right? And don't you dare bring Cinnabun as a prop for the press conference when you get back. Even Tiger Woods wouldn't do that.

RadarOnline is reporting that Sandra Bullock had a hunch her hubby was up to something ...

... behind her back and challenged him on it several times over the years. According to Dr. Drew Pinsky, James is a "sex addict" and Bullock is a "love addict." Of course, he's not treating either party -- he makes that clear to Radar -- but was asked the question presumably because of his experience treating addiction.

Now, the Ministry doesn't have any experience treating addicts, but our drive-by diagnosis here would be, "He's so in love with the rush of bargain-basement female attention that he can't keep it in his pants" and "She so desperately needs her man to not be a toolbox that she talked herself into his lame excuses along the way" and "He's discovered that making her think she's the crazy one is a great way to deflect attention."

I mean, that's what we'd say if we had any experience with such things. You know, these kinds of "addictions."

And, oh yeah, Sandy? Drew says you should bail. Smart man, that Dr. Drew.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Sandra Bullock and Jesse James at the 41st NAACP Image Awards on Feb. 26, 2010, in Los Angeles. Credit: Chris Pizzello / Associated Press.

Get caught up on Ministry of Gossip dispatches on Jesse James, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Tiger Woods, Sandra Bullock and Elin Nordegren by clicking those links and scrolling down for the backstory. Yeah, there's overlap, so just pick your favorite character and have at it -- or try "scandal in general" for a grab bag of fun. All of this a little too trashy? If you like your scandal without sexting, Gary Coleman's your guy. Try Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga for very little scandal at all. But over there outside the courthouse? That's Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller; you just missed Chris Brown.

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