Jesse James’ maybe-mistress No. 4 develops a case of the dainties

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We wish we could’ve been in Gloria Allred‘s office earlier, if only to discover whether she spits, swears, throws things or simply meditates calmly when a client opts out of the spotlight.

The woman who we know only as Self-Reported Jesse James Mistress No. 4 -- a.k.a. the one who hired Allred -- has decided not to go public with her story, the attorney told Radar Online.

The part that had interested us about this lovely lady was that she said, through Allred, that the alleged relationship had ended just after the scandal broke. Which was icky enough that we wanted to know more. Kinda. But not really.

So, with apologies to the Bud Light folks, the Ministry of Gossip salutes you, Ms. Suddenly Shy Self-Reported Jesse James Mistress No. 4!

While the dirty laundry of Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee, Melissa Smith and Brigitte Daguerre is aired to an icked-out public, perhaps you had the sense to think, ‘I pale in comparison to Sandra Bullock, and people might notice!’

When tabloid bucks beckoned, even as you dangled the promise of electronic proof as bait ...

... you proclaimed to the mirror, ‘That’s totally not worth it for lifelong pariah status!’ You dared to dream of a classy way to market yourself as a woman who’d boink a married man and then brag about it -- but had the big heart to leave that dream for others to make reality.
And when others had the nerve to shout, ‘I’m No. 1’ (or No. 2, or, yes, even No. 3), you had the clarity of thought to realize, ‘’I’m No. 4’ just makes me sound like a skanky tramp.’

So thank you, Ms. Suddenly Shy Self-Reported Jesse James Mistress No. 4, for giving us all -- well, for giving us all a break.

-- Christie D’Zurilla

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

Bombshell McGee’s dad knew about Jesse James Sandra Bullock: Elin Nordegren should’ve ‘kept hitting’

Second woman says she slept with a married Jesse James

Deep in the weeds with Sandra Bullock, Jesse James

Angry White Boy owner: Michelle McGee ‘will never model for me again’

Jesse James’ alleged mistress: the ‘ick’ factor increases

‘Overwhelmed’ Rachel Uchitel hires celebrity attorney Gloria Allred

PREACH IT! Do Tiger Woods’ mistresses deserve an apology too? One of them thinks so [poll]

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