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Stop the presses: Tom and Kathy Freston hold book party; hors d’oeuvres were eaten and witty conversation was had!

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Maybe this is why Oprah Winfrey’s network is taking so long. Instead of hunkering down on a strategy and launch date, Winfrey’s top advisor on the cable channel -- former Viacom and MTV chief Tom Freston -- is busy throwing chi chi cocktail parties at his tony Upper East Side townhouse.

We kid, of course. But a news release touting Freston and his wife Kathy’s party, held Thursday night to celebrate Jonathan Safran Foer’s new book, ‘Eating Animals,’ that just came across our desk is just too funny not to mock.

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Here’s a sampling:

The evening commenced as guests were greeted by Tom and Kathy Freston who led them into their library and veranda on the second floor of their home. The guest of honor, Jonathan Safran Foer, gave his remarks an hour into the reception citing his inspiration about what led him on his personal journey to write the book “Eating Animals.” Throughout the evening, thought-provoking conversations took place on various topics surrounding factory farming, food and family traditions, vegetarianism, veganism, and knowing where your food comes from. Foer also autographed and personalized messages inside his book for special guests who attended the event.

We’re sorry we missed out on the ‘delectable vegan hors d’oeuvres by chef Todd Lindeberg’ that included seaweed caviar with soy sour cream on buckwheat blinis, “beef” tips gardein, roasted walnut cremini mushroom pâté on plantain chips and quinoa nori rolls with cajun portobello mushrooms and avocado. Mmm. Bet you couldn’t find a Budweiser or a pig in a blanket anywhere on the premises. And yes, we’re feeling a bit snarky today.

-- Joe Flint

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