YouTube obsession: The Slap Chop infomercial with Vince Shlomi

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I know I’m late to the game, but I just discovered the joys of watching TV spokesman Vince Shlomi hawk the Slap Chop in an insanely addictive three-minute infomercial. In addition to the chopper, which is a plastic kitchen device with a rotating blade that you place over vegetables and pummel with the palm of your hand, Shlomi does pitches for the super-absorbent towel known by its cuddly name, ShamWow.

A friend at work sent me this, calling it the ‘most inadvertently touching infomercial for an absolutely useless product ever.’ Perhaps my friend was reacting to lines that Shlomi delivers such as, ‘This tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna. Stop having a boring life.’ Or in reference to chopping an onion, ‘Life’s hard enough as it is, you don’t want to cry anymore.’

I was almost sold on this starry-eyed thesis concerning Shlomi’s intentions until the video got to the part where he says, ‘You’re gonna love my nuts,’ before producing a handful of almonds for chopping. That’s when I began thinking that any guy that sports a blond-tinted faux-hawk, talks like he auditioned for MTV’s ‘Jersey Shore,’ and owns a ShamWow is probably up to no good.

My suspicions were confirmed when another friend wrote to tell me that Shlomi was arrested last year in an altercation with a prostitute at a South Beach hotel, an incident the Smoking Gun refers to as ‘ShamWow Guy in Slap, Chop Bust.’

Ouch! Still, the commercial is just weird enough to make me laugh. Life’s hard enough as it is and I don’t want to cry anymore. But if I do, I suppose I can always dry my tears with a ShamWow.

-- Jessica Gelt