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Coffee won’t make you sober

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What do cold showers, hard slaps and hot coffee have in common? All have been touted as cures for drunkenness. They’re also dangerous -- a merrymaker looking to get serious could down a couple shots of espresso, for instance, and think that he’s ready to get behind the wheel.

Now, a study published in the current issue of Biological Neuroscience confirms that relying on coffee is a bad idea. Researchers fed mice alcohol, caffeine or a combination thereof, and watched how well they navigated a maze. The tipsy ones appeared relaxed but couldn’t effectively avoid the bright lights and loud noises that scientists set up in the maze. The buzzed rodents fared better, but were ‘less savvy about avoiding the unpleasant stimuli.’ Those that had consumed both alcohol and caffeine, however, were alert but still unable to avoid the nasty shocks sprinkled throughout the maze.

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Ultimately, nothing beats time -- the key element the body needs as it works through all that booze coursing through the bloodstream. No quantity of frigid water or frappuccino will change that.
Meanwhile, if you want to know how stewed you are, check out this handy blood-alcohol content calculator from the University of Oklahoma police. It’s like a Breathalyzer for your Blackberry.

-- Amina Khan

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