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Want a brouhaha? Start with a doll, add sucking sounds, sell it to kids ...

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... and what you get is a toy that mimics the act of breastfeeding. Seriously. A breastfeeding doll. You also get a riot of righteous outrage and counter-indignation and broad commentary on the state of our society -- and the more-than-fleeting thought that, you know, maybe we’re all being played.

The doll is called Bebe Gloton. So far, it’s available only in Spain, but the company says it will be available in the United States next year. Here’s the full story from ABC News. It describes the plaything thusly:

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‘The doll allows children to imitate the act of breast-feeding by using a special halter top that comes with the toy. The halter top is made from a colorful material with two flowers positioned where nipples would be. When the mouth of the doll is brought close to a sensor embedded in the flower, the baby makes motions and sounds consistent with suckling.’

The story goes on from there, but the best part, the absolutely fabulous part has been the reaction.

The Chicago Sun-Times sums it up: Breast-feeding doll stirs debate. The story says:

‘On parenting Web sites, some say the doll, which is about 20 inches long, is inappropriate and could even promote early sexual activity. Some breast-feeding advocacy groups say the doll promotes the normal, healthy act of feeding a baby a mother’s milk.’

Then it gets better.

From feministing.com: ‘I’m appalled by the haters who are the ones stigmatizing and sexualizing a perfectly natural act that children often imitate. Will folks ever be able to realize that our body parts are not purely for public consumption?’

From ecochildsplay: ‘Wearing a halter top with pasties is not natural. It’s not the normal way to feed a hungry infant. The doll’s sounds, the pasties, the age group targeted in the commercial? All wrong. And the silly doll is simply encouraging parents to buy more ‘stuff,’ and plastic stuff at that. Let your kid put her own favorite baby doll up her shirt and ‘breastfeed.’ The mimicry -- the interest -- that is normal.’

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And my favorite (because I do so love practical dads), from thingamababy, describing how to play with the doll:

‘Your child wears a colorful bra-like halter-top featuring flowers over the nipple area. When the doll is lifted to the flowers, it makes a suckling motion and sound. When your child’s flower nipples grow sore and cracked, either the baby cries for more, or beckons to be burped.’

He points out that he’s kidding about the sore nipples part -- at least as it relates to the doll.

Then there’s the backlash against the backlash. On NJ.com, a father of three kids pleads for forgiveness from the breastfeeding community outraged over his earlier post:

‘Was it appropriate to in any way equate a doll that breast feeds to a doll who’s an alcoholic, suffering from erectile dysfunction, or raped in prison? Clearly not, as a number of people have managed to express in no uncertain terms. So, if it’s worth anything, I retract that. And even apologize. While only meant in jest, that was offensive.’

His mea culpa goes on from there.

Maybe the doll, if it ever lands on these shores, will prove wildly popular. But it seems unlikely -- whether because Americans are oversexualized, undersexualized, uptight about breast-feeding or feel it unnecessary to pay for something that many kids with younger siblings probably have done a time or two with a run-of-the-mill Barbie (before getting bored and moving on).

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But if someone wanted to have fun with Americans and their media, really, they couldn’t have done a better job.

-- Tami Dennis

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