Not sold on ‘Juno’

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As the Oscars approach and ‘Juno’ fever spreads faster than chicken pox in a sauna, I must speak out. I despised ‘Juno.’ So much so that I walked out moments after Juno said: ‘I’m on my hamburger phone.’ It was about 17 minutes or so into the movie and I turned to my husband and hissed, ‘Of course, she is. I must leave.’ He joined me and we asked the kindly ticket attendant at the Arclight for our money back. She gave us vouchers.

What bugs me most about the ‘Juno’ movement is the fact that people call the dialogue so original and compelling. That initial exchange between Ellen Page and Rainn Wilson is laden with more forced slang and cliches (fertile Myrtle) than I could bear. We also first see Juno smoking a pipe and that pipe, in itself, defines for me everything that is contrived and pretentious about this film.

Juno walks around with a pipe clenched between her teeth so she must be A) alternative and B) eccentric. My grandfather smoked a pipe and all he got for his puffs were dirty looks from my grandmother and lung cancer. I have yet to find someone who isn’t a Juno-phile, but I am sure that I can’t be alone in my distaste for this film. If it wins an Academy Award, the Oscars will become the new Grammys -- a popularity contest.

Rene Magritte said: ‘Ceci n’est pas une pipe.’
I say: ‘Juno n’est pas un film d’Oscar.’

Photos: Fox Searchlight