Katie Holmes: Who are you?

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Dear Katie,

Not for nothing, but who are you? I see Carol Channing and I see Anna Wintour, but I don’t see the girl who once smirked non-stop as Joey Potter and blew me away in ‘The Ice Storm’ and ‘Go.’

The oversized sunglasses are too conspicuous -- screaming, ‘Look at me! Don’t look at me! The bridge of my nose is killing me!’ And the black gloves feel, well, aspiring strangler on-the-go.

But it’s that expression -- Posh told me to purse my lips and then slightly uplift at the corners. Am I doing it? Do I look like Victoria or a stroke victim? Purse lips, pout, uplift. Or was it pout, uplift, purse lips? -- that troubles me most.

Remember an easier time when you didn’t feel compelled to mimic a mannequin? Hell, you didn’t even brush your hair back then. Your mantra was ‘Braids or doo-rag? Maybe both!’

Well, some of us miss the old Katie. Don’t you? Come home.

Photo credits: WireImage; Columbia TriStar