Late-night's best: What else the SEALs found in Osama bin Laden's compound

As The Ticket's 63,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,700 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above. Normally, we publish these on Monday mornings.

SNL: a number of new conspiracy theories are surfacing claiming that Osama Bin Laden is not really dead. Which means Barack Obama will go down in history as the first black person ever to have to prove that he killed someone.

Letterman: So in Bin Laden's compound the SEALs found medicine, old newspapers and, guess what, the complete collection of Dean Martin Roasts.

Letterman: So maybe you heard that chipper Katie Couric is leaving CBS News. She'll....

Budget? What budget? Obama talks energy in Philadelphia before an Al Sharpton gala in New York

With the Friday government shutdown looming over no continuing budget agreement, President Obama was out of town again today, holding a spirited town hall meeting on energy before an admiring audience in Philadelphia. (See full transcript below.)

In his remarks the president painted a dire picture of lost services if the government shut down because some other people couldn't reach a budget agreement. And he said a government closure could affect the economic recovery that is so tardy in arriving despite all the stimulus spending.

Then the the Democrat flew up to New York City to speak to a gala banquet staged by the Rev. Al Sharpton. (See photos, and no, Al is not president yet.) During the day the president had Press Secretary Jay Carney say that the Obama administration is "encouraged" by Senate actions to "protect" the Clean Air Act. Tuesday Carney was also tasked to warn the president of Yemen about his forceful treatment of protestors, as described here.

Carney also told reporters traveling to the banquet that the president had three-minute phone conversations with Republican House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Democrat.

Carney said the president had been assured progress was being made on negotiating a continuing budget resolution to avert a federal government shutdown Friday when the latest three-week budget expires.

Halfway through the 2011 fiscal year there is no federal budget because the Democratic-controlled Congress was busy with other priorities last summer and fall. Since midterm election voters overwhelmingly turned the House over to the GOP on Nov. 2, the Republicans now have more leverage to enact their agenda of reining in Democratic spending.

Carney said this afternoon, however, that somehow the president had become convinced that not enough progress was being made and he had summoned Boehner and Reid to a White House meeting late this evening after the president's return from the awards banquet.

(UPDATE: 9:44 p.m. PT Late Wednesday night Obama said his get-together with Boehner and Reid had been productive, progress was made and staffs would continue working through the night. He again pronounced himself confident a deal was doable "if we're serious about getting something done.")

Meanwhile, the National Journal reported the hands-off president had....

Late-night's best: Libya, Libya, Zuckerberg and Libya

As The Ticket's 61,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,600 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above.

Here's the usual Monday morning collection:

Leno: Do you believe we're fighting three wars now? Can you imagine how many it would be if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize?

Letterman: Let’s see, we’ve got a war going in Iraq. And a war going in Afghanistan. Now a war in Libya. My God, you need brackets to track this stuff.

Letterman: Pentagon says we’ll be out of Libya in a couple of weeks. That’s good enough for me. Let me translate that for you: 10-year quagmire.

Leno: The Pentagon says we have a definite end date for the Libya war. Do you believe that? We still have troops in Germany and that’s, what, 65 years?

Leno: The Pentagon says that U.S. military involvement in Libya is limited with a defined end date. Yeah, it'll end when gas drops below $3 a gallon.

Conan: The first day of airstrikes against Libya cost more than $100 million. To put it....

'Sire, the peasants are revolting!' Obama's amazing problem with political optics

"Sire," the nobleman urgently reports to the throne, "the peasants are revolting!"

"Phewee!" the king responds in the vaudeville sketch, "You're telling me."

For security reasons mainly, every modern U.S. president lives apart from average Americans.

Yes, George Washington refused to shake hands with fellow citizens. But Thomas Jefferson quickly took up that democratic habit. Two presidents have been assassinated shaking hands and Andrew Jakcson would have been had the pistols not misfired. Shaking hands has now become such an expected political staple that campaigning pols must often soak their hands of an evening to relieve the pain from so many citizen grips.

Most presidents do try to play down their apartness and not appear, well, royal. Remember all the mocking of Richard Nixon's proposed martinette White House guard uniforms? Royals are, after all, the folks we threw out in a revolution more than two centuries ago.

But, wow, what has gone wrong with the Optics Czar in the Obama White House?

The current president is a Real Good Talker. But the current White House crowd, which counts on its public connections to....

Al Gore update: He will write a book

Al Gore, remember him? Joe Lieberman's running mate.

A former newspaper reporter and inventor, Gore led the Democratic Party into oblivion in 2000 by losing his own home state in the presidential election against some Texas yahoo. Gore has signed to write another book.

The publisher describes the upcoming tell-all tome as "an X-rated look at the seamier side of American public life where empty-headed liberal celebrities with hypocritcally huge carbon-footprints and this year's spouse receive immense sums of money simply for showing up at glitzy ceremonies to exchange meaningless awards."

The working title is: "A Convenient Truth."

No, not really. The book will actually be another riveting account of "the political, social and economic forces that are shaping what America and the world will become in ensuing decades," according to the publisher.

According to Gore, who likes long sentences as well as long court fights:

With this new work, I hope to help start a conversation about the large-scale drivers of change that are defining and shaping our future — from the rapid development and integration of radically new technologies to the planet-changing impact of the climate crisis, to poverty, globalization, and the democratization of knowledge accompanying the emergence of a ubiquitous Internet linking ever more intelligent devices.

Could there be a Current TV reality spinoff show in the democratization of knowledge?

The book was acquired by a new Random House editor, noted talk-show guest Jon Meacham, who recently led the Newsweek print edition into oblivion.

-- Andrew Malcolm

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Photo: Don Emmert / AFP / Getty Images (Happy Joe Lieberman helped Gore lose the presidential election in 2000 before switching sides and doing the same for Republican John McCain in 2008).

Late-night's best: Arnold returns, Trump's trick, Obama's call and Michelle's diet

As The Ticket's 60,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,600 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above.

Here's the usual Monday morning collection:

Fallon: A Russian airline now has clowns and musicians performing in-flight. 'Cause with crowds and crying babies my first thought is, there should be clowns here.

O'Brien: Arnold Schwarzenegger is returning to the movies. In a 'Terminator' sequel he'll travel back in time to kill the person who suggested he run for governor.

O'Brien: According to Forbes magazine, the richest man in the world is now a man from Mexico. He’s Oprah’s gardener.

O'Brien: Donald Trump denies pretending to run for president just to gain publicity for his TV show. Trump said:....

Detroit doomed! Can RoboCop save the city again?

Detroit is racked by crime, corruption and a fleeing population. OCP, the company in charge of Motor City, turns to RoboCop, a cyborg created by scientists from the human remains of Alex Murphy, a slain patrolman. "Part man. Part machine. All cop."

SuperCop RoboCop does good things to bad guys by using amazing rapid-flashing weapons. "Come quietly or there will be trouble."

The 1987 MGM cult classic, set in the distant future of 1991 (and actually filmed in Dallas), was so violently uplifting and successful that they made another one three years later when Detroit needed even more help. "Excuse me. I have to go. Somewhere a crime is happening."

But now it's 20 years later and, guess what, Detroit is still in deep porridge.

So, naturally, who would that pathetic place turn to for help?

The new Mayor Dave Bing, formerly of the NBA, replaced the old mayor who had some, well, legal issues. Bing turned to the public for ideas on fixing up the place.

Someone suggested building a statue to the city's previous pretend savior.

Tourists would flock to Motown to see the law enforcement edifice and be in its powerful presence and have their picture taken standing next to a real statue of a fictitious cyborg patrolman who refused to give up. And they might conceivably think better of that urban Michigan place.

Just as, say, the iconic arms-up statue of the cinematic Rocky atop all those steps has caused many to associate Philadelphia with taking countless slow-motion blows to the head and overcoming adversity to not lose.

Well, Mayor Bing read the RoboCop idea.

And he considered the RoboCop idea.

And he killed the RoboCop idea.

BLAM! With the blast of a single Tweet @MayorDaveBing announced: "There are not any plans to erect a statue to RoboCop. Thank you for the suggestion."

What kind of crummy ending is that?

-- Andrew Malcolm

Speaking of ending crime, click here to follow The Ticket via Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or click this: @latimestot. Our Facebook Like page is over here. We're also available on Kindle. Use the ReTweet buttons above to share any item with family and friends.

Photo: MGM (RoboCop 2); Associated Press (Rocky Balboa statue).

Super Bowl ads : Submit! There is no escape. Even Obama will hawk something today

Super Bowl Ads

Super Bowl Sunday is a time when some people think of football.

Silly people!

Yes, yes, there is a scheduled game pitting two NFL teams from faded heartland towns as the noisy  excuse to draw millions of pairs of eyes to Fox today.

But above all, it is a time for $uper Bowl ads, for selling stuff, any stuff, from politics to chips and -- gee, who knows? -- maybe even a Super Bowl ad or two for beer. The National Retail Federation estimates Americans will spend about $10 billion in and around today's single game. That used to seem like a lot of money until January 2009.

Snippets of football will be thrown into the TV mix. But according to a new poll out this weekend, more than one in three American viewers will be going to the bathroom during the athletic action.

Because they are there to watch the ads, the best part of the media extravaganza for them.

Rasmussen Reports reports that 35% of Americans overall like the commercials better than the game, which helps explain how Fox can get about $3 million for each 30-second ad.

For comparison, here's how much the national debt is increasing every second every hour every day.

Speaking of the exploding national debt, Democratic President Obama will take advantage of the gathering crowd. He will enter Bill O'Reilly's No-Spin Zone (yeah, right) for a 12-minute interview before the game.

Obama, who's been outed here as not really a Chicago Bears fan, is not dumb enough to appear to want to talk policy at such a fun time. And anyway, Obama already got his signature healthcare legislation, though now its validity is in some constitutional dispute.

O'Reilly is certain to ask something about Egypt, which is in play, though not in Dallas.

Obama won't be pitching a brand of shoes, like Kim Kardashian. That's her in the photo around here somewhere in case you hadn't noticed. (Shoes not shown)

Don't listen for Obama to say anything like: "Talk about winning, Bill, how about our country 'Winning the Future' with innovation, as I mentioned in my recent State of the State Address."

Nor: "Look how green the Dallas field is, Bill. Green like numerous clean energy programs I have proposed as part of my 'Keep on Investing for America Plan' for 2011."

But a Super Bowl appearance is a priceless opportunity for Obama or any president to sell himself as a regular guy. It's just harder for Harvard alums because they are so much smarter than others and so unsuccessful at hiding it.

And making a favorable impression on chewing Americans couldn't hurt the Democrat, given his deeply faded job approval since the early post-inaugural days and the rapidly melting 639 days remaining before American voters give him the Jimmy Carter one-term boot or extend his lease at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

The president, who's hosting 100-plus guests for his own Super Bowl party, will be doing some political schmoozing there, too, as all presidents do in social gatherings. On Fox he will wisely appear to try to talk about the fun Super Bowl football day and America coming together -- to stuff its collective face and gut with all kinds of eats that First Lady Michelle Obama will not approve.

A plurality of women (49%) told Rasmussen they like the ads better than the game. But a surprisingly small 70% of prospective male watchers said they like the game itself best.

Make that 69%. Did we mention Kim Kardashian will be selling shoes during the game?

-- Andrew Malcolm

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Photo: Joe Robbins / Getty Images (Doesn't every downtown have buildings like Dallas today?); Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images (Kim Kardashian will be selling shoes, not shown but who cares?).

Ronald Reagan centennial: Today's the day; Sen. Mitch McConnell tells a brief story

On Friday we published a guest-written package noting the centennial of Ronald Reagan's birth in the land of the first Republican president, Abraham Lincoln.

Part I of that video-laden package is here.

Part II of Ronald Reagan's political legacy is right here.

No official notice of the day from the Democratic White House yet, although Barack Obama did mention Reagan's style and achievements favorably during the 2008 presidential primary campaign in some editorial board meetings that he thought would remain closed. But the White House did re-release a tribute op-ed printed under his byline in USA Today and there was the commemorative congressional legislation in 2009.

Today is the actual day of Reagan's birth. To mark that occasion we'll simply let another Republican, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of next-door Kentucky, recount the Reagan story in this brief video below.

-- Andrew Malcolm

Speaking of anniversaries, The Ticket will celebrate its centennial in just 96 years. Don't waste any time. Click here now to follow us via Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. Our Facebook Like page is over here. We're also available on Kindle now. Use the ReTweet buttons above to share any item with family and friends.

Ronald Reagan's centennial, Part II: An All-American American

 

Sunday is the 100th anniversary of the birth of Ronald Reagan, the 40th president, cause for numerous political, memorial and academic observances across the country this weekend.

The Ticket invited one of the nation's top presidential scholars, Prof. Robert Schmuhl of the University of Notre Dame, to examine the political legacy of Reagan as he relates to others of his generation, exclusively for Ticket readers.

(Scroll to bottom for Schmuhl's biography and book information.) We've also included several videos by and about Reagan.

This item is Part II of Schmuhl's writing.

Part I appeared here earlier this morning and can be viewed by clicking here.

Please use the Share buttons above to pass these on, and perhaps leave your own Reagan memories or thoughts in the Comments section below.

-- Andrew Malcolm

Ronald Reagan, American

Ronald Reagan titled his autobiography “An American Life.”

Unlike other presidential authors who put the focus on themselves—Richard Nixon’s “RN” or Bill Clinton’s “My Life”—or emphasized a theme—Gerald Ford’s “A Time to Heal,” Jimmy Carter’s “Keeping Faith” or George W. Bush’s “Decision Points”—Reagan used an indefinite article and a collective adjective.

To his way of thinking, his life was representative, one chapter in what he saw as the larger story of America.

Beyond his accomplishments as president, particularly efforts to invigorate the economy and hasten the end of the Cold War, Reagan brought to his eight White House years a sense of humor (see video just below here) and an....

....unalloyed Americanness that was always a mystery to people from other countries.

For them, his image and reality merged into the gun-toting cowboy from his Hollywood days, and he was following a script written by figures removed from public view.

At home, however, Reagan fit right in and seemed natural. (Listen to the way he talks on the video here and during his presidential campaign announcement video in Part I of today's Ticket series.)

A modest Midwestern upbringing—“We didn’t live on the wrong side of the....