Late-night jokes: Conan uncovers a secret clause in the debt ceiling deal
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Letterman: OK, Obama reached a debt compromise with congressional Republicans. As I understand the details, it's the same kind of compromise Custer reached with Sitting Bull.
Leno: Did you see the District of Columbia has the nation's worst drug and alcohol abuse problems? If you watched the Redskins a whole season, you'd need some relief too. Let's not judge.
Letterman: They say we averted economic disaster with this debt ceiling nonsense. Now we're $16 trillion in debt instead of $14 trillion. How is that not an economic disaster?
Fallon: The other day President Obama said, ‘Things will get better.’ Then he opened his eyes and blew out the candles on his birthday cake.
Fallon: Michelle Obama asked her husband’s fans to sign an e-card for his 50th birthday. That explains why Joe Biden's computer screen has magic marker all over it.
Leno: President Obama is making a three-day bus tour across the Midwest later this month focused on jobs, mainly him keeping his.
Conan: Did you read about that man who jumped the White House fence? There was a brief chase, but the Secret Service was able to convince President Obama to return and continue his term.
Leno: Here's how bad our nation's credit rating is right now. President Obama asked China for another loan. But they won't give it to him unless his mother-in-law co-signs.
Conan: Part of the new national debt deal includes a Super Congress committee to make some very tough fiscal decisions before Thanksgiving. The Super Congress consists of six congressmen from each party, plus Wolverine.
Letterman: Good news in all this debt talk business: Now Congress can get back to doing what it is it does best--I have no idea.
Fallon: A new study says eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery costs yearly. Or as Americans put it, ‘Cool, I saved $380 this year!’
Conan: The congressional budget deal would raise the debt ceiling until the year 2013. The best part--it prevents another Smurfs movie until the year 2014.
Conan: Analysts say Oprah could help Obama get the white working-class female vote. And Dr. Phil can help deliver the crucial fake doctor vote.
Conan: Ex-Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was released from prison. He said he spent most of his time in prison hanging out with other Detroit mayors.
Leno: A New Jersey Dunkin' Donuts clerk was arrested for prostitution, turning tricks in the parking lot overnight. Police were able to crack the case after only 10 years of surveillance.
-- Andrew Malcolm
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Photos: Viking / Penguin (Custer); John Shearer / Getty Images (Dr. Phil); Mark Renders / Getty Images (a Smurf).