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Late night jokes: Second recession coming, but when did the first one leave?

July 5, 2011 | 11:12 am

2 meteor sized Los Angeles Metro Buses

As The Ticket's 68,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,900 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the "Share" buttons above.

Leno: Economists are now predicting a second recession. A second recession? When did the first one end? I missed that.

Fallon: President Obama asks foreign countries to invest more in the U.S. economy. Mexico’s president was like, ‘The people of Mexico are with you! Literally.'

Conan: Brazil confirms discovery of a primitive Amazon tribe with no outside contact. The tribe is so primitive it lives in huts and hangs out at Blockbuster video.Blockbuster logo

Fallon: A new study finds that 10% of toddlers are overweight. That explains the most popular new stroller on the market, a wheelbarrow.

Fallon: A 92-year-old Florida woman marries an 82-year-old man she met on Match.com It's a cute story. But it turns out the woman lied on her profile. She said she was only 88.

Conan: A bus-sized meteor narrowly missed Earth the other day. In Los Angeles hearing this, people asked, 'What the hell is a bus?'

Fallon: New York's Gov. Cuomo calls a special election for Sept. 13 to fill Anthony Weiner’s House seat. He said, "Anyone interested in the job should email me @......well, maybe better just call."

Conan: The dog that inherited $12 million from Leona Helmsley has passed away. The pet died broke after smoking $12 million worth of dog crack.

Fallon: A Delta flight made an emergency landing in a Hawaii wildlife refuge. The lions  were like, "Can you believe it?! Delta's ACTUALLY serving food!"

Fallon: A British strip club is using a hypnotist to get men to spend more money during their visits. At least that’s what one guy told his wife when she found his credit card bill.

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-- Andrew Malcolm

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Photo: Robert Gauthier / Los Angeles Times (Two meteor-sized Los Angeles Metro buses vie for street position).

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