Opinion: Late-night jokes: Seeking better advice, Obama replaces top economic advisor with Magic 8-Ball
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As The Ticket’s 67,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,900 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above. Normally, we publish these on Monday mornings.
Conan: Apple founder Steve Jobs plans a new state-of-the-art corporate headquarters. Then in six months he’ll replace it with a slightly thinner headquarters with a crappy camera.
Leno: I don’t get how Washington works. We can’t see Osama bin Laden’s death photo because it’s too explicit. But a congressman’s penis is OK.
Letterman: Hey, how about this Congressman Anthony Weiner guy. Is this amazing or what? It’s the worst congressional scandal all week.
Conan: Congressman Weiner now admits to having affairs with six different women on email, Twitter and Facebook. Plus today he admitted an affair with three chickens on FarmVille.
Conan: New poll finds 51% of New York voters said Congressman Weiner should keep his seat. The other 49% think he should disinfect it.
Fallon: New York lawmakers proposed a new program to teach teenagers about....
...the dangers of sexting. Seriously? How about a program to teach New York LAWMAKERS about the dangers of sexting??
Conan: One of the women Rep. Weiner was sexting is a porn star. Asked how you get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, “I don’t know.’ Letterman: More bad news for Congressman Weiner today. He was fired as the voice of the AFLAC duck.
Leno: Eliot Spitzer says if Anthony Weiner resigns from Congress, he can join CNN and they’ll have the Weiner-Spitzer Show.
Leno: You wonder why Congressman Weiner engages in such reckless behavior. If you want people to check your crotch, go through airport security like everyone else.
Conan: Democrats and Republicans calling for Congressman Weiner to resign. Meanwhile, late-night comedians are calling for him to hang in there.
Leno: President Obama’s top economic advisor Austan Goolsbee is being replaced by something a little more effective -- the Magic 8-Ball.
Conan: Disappointing ticket sales for the new “X-Men” movie. To boost ticket sales, producers have already announced a new mutant for the next X-men movie, “Sporadically Topless Girl.”
Fallon: First Lady Michelle Obama is taking Sasha and Malia to South Africa and Botswana. Or as Sasha and Malia call it, ‘NOT DISNEYWORLD!’
Conan: China begins building a new ‘Hello Kitty’ theme park. China is also building a ‘Goodbye Doggie’ cafeteria.
Fallon: Good news. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says the economy will pick up in the second half of the year. So you know what that means -– absolutely nothing.
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-- Andrew Malcolm
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