Top of the Ticket

Political commentary from Andrew Malcolm

« Previous Post | Top of the Ticket Home | Next Post »

Late-night jokes: Seeking better advice, Obama replaces top economic advisor with Magic 8-Ball

the AFLAC Duck

As The Ticket's 67,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,900 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above. Normally, we publish these on Monday mornings.

Conan: Apple founder Steve Jobs plans a new state-of-the-art corporate headquarters. Then in six months he’ll replace it with a slightly thinner headquarters with a crappy camera.steve Jobs in a thin photo

Leno: I don’t get how Washington works. We can't see Osama bin Laden’s death photo because it’s too explicit. But a congressman’s penis is OK.

Letterman: Hey, how about this Congressman Anthony Weiner guy. Is this amazing or what? It's the worst congressional scandal all week.

Conan: Congressman Weiner now admits to having affairs with six different women on email, Twitter and Facebook. Plus today he admitted an affair with three chickens on FarmVille.

Conan: New poll finds 51% of New York voters said Congressman Weiner should keep his seat. The other 49% think he should disinfect it.

Fallon: New York lawmakers proposed a new program to teach teenagers about....

...the dangers of sexting. Seriously? How about a program to teach New York LAWMAKERS about the dangers of sexting??

Conan: One of the women Rep. Weiner was sexting is a porn star. Asked how you get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, “I don’t know."

Letterman: More bad news for Congressman Weiner today. He was fired as the voice of the AFLAC duck.

Leno: Eliot Spitzer says if Anthony Weiner resigns from Congress, he can join CNN and they'll have the Weiner-Spitzer Show.

Leno: You wonder why Congressman Weiner engages in such reckless behavior. If you want people to check your crotch, go through airport security like everyone else.

Conan: Democrats and Republicans calling for Congressman Weiner to resign. Meanwhile, latMagic 8 Balle-night comedians are calling for him to hang in there.

Leno: President Obama's top economic advisor Austan Goolsbee is being replaced by something a little more effective -- the Magic 8-Ball.

Conan: Disappointing ticket sales for the new “X-Men” movie. To boost ticket sales, producers have already announced a new mutant for the next X-men movie, “Sporadically Topless Girl.”

Fallon: First Lady Michelle Obama is taking Sasha and Malia to South Africa and Botswana. Or as Sasha and Malia call it, "NOT DISNEYWORLD!"

Conan: China begins building a new 'Hello Kitty' theme park. China is also building a 'Goodbye Doggie' cafeteria.

Fallon: Good news. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says the economy will pick up in the second half of the year. So you know what that means -– absolutely nothing.


Herman Cain's campaign pizza promise

The good news in Supreme Court order to release 46,000 felons

Obama's sunken approval ratings are also bad news for Libya's Col. Kadafi

-- Andrew Malcolm

Don't forget to follow The Ticket via Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or click this: @latimestot. Our Facebook Like page is over here. We're also available on Kindle. Use the ReTweet buttons above to share any item with family and friends.

Photos: AFLAC; Beck Diefenback / Reuters (Jobs); Magic 8-Ball.

Comments () | Archives (1)

The comments to this entry are closed.

Jimmy Fallon is the funniest guy on TV, hands down.


Recommended on Facebook


In Case You Missed It...

About the Columnist
A veteran foreign and national correspondent, Andrew Malcolm has served on the L.A. Times Editorial Board and was a Pulitzer finalist in 2004. He is the author of 10 nonfiction books and father of four. Read more.
President Obama
Republican Politics
Democratic Politics



Get Alerts on Your Mobile Phone

Sign me up for the following lists: