Late-night's best: Obama's sunken approval rating bad news for Kadafi
As The Ticket's 65,000-plus Twitter followers here and 6,800 Facebook fans here know, we regularly share our daily picks of the late-night jokes of interest, usually before broadcast each night. Feel free to pass them on to friends using the Share buttons above. Normally, we publish these on Monday mornings.
Letterman: On Monday no more smoking in New York City public places. So after today if you’re holding something smoking in New York City, it better be a gun.
Leno: President Obama wants Israel to go back to pre-1967 borders. Now, Native Americans are demanding Obama go back to pre-1492 borders.
Leno: You heard about that whole world-coming-to-an-end thing, right? Look, I love Oprah too. But it was just a TV show.
Letterman: Oprah has taped her last show. I hope to God she's taken care of her money. I do. Because I think Steadman may be sucking her dry.
Leno: President Obama's approval rating went up after the SEALs....
Letterman: Regis Philbin's new memoir is out. And in it we learn that he lives in a walled compound with his three wives. Did you know that?
Conan: Donald Trump says he's not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump supporters, all of whom are late-night comedians.
Conan: Mike Huckabee dropping out opens the door for Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum. Trump quits, opening the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey.
Fallon: The Obama campaign has moved into a 50,000 square-foot Chicago office. Ron Paul lands a sweet kiosk at the mall right across from Sunglass Hut.
Fallon: A Canadian Dairy Queen breaks a world record by creating a 10-ton ice cream dessert. Or as we call that in America, ‘a medium.’
Fallon: This year more than 250 colleges are using graduation gowns made of recycled plastic. That's great preparation for the first job most graduates will get these days –- collecting and recycling plastic bottles.
Leno: A new study says six cups of coffee a day can cut men's risk of prostate cancer by 60%. They think. After six cups, they can't get a guy to sit still for an exam.
Fallon: Some political news. President Obama offers $1 Billion to Egypt to create new jobs. And if that works, they’re going to try it over here.
Fallon: Playboy is putting its entire 57-year archive online. Finally -– we have a place to see naked women on the Internet.
Leno: A new poll puts President Obama's job approval at only 41%. Not good. Many who voted for him now say they liked him better when he was a Democrat.
Letterman: Turns out New York City has the highest per capita rate of narcissists. I read that and said, 'Who cares? Let’s talk about me.'
Fallon: Some important medical news: Doctors are warning male patients that using Viagra could cause deafness. And many husbands reply, "OK, but what's the downside?"
-- Andrew Malcolm
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